Dear Tinu,
My name is Joy and I have been married for six years. Since my husband was retrenched from work not too long ago, life has been very difficult for us. We have been living with two of his brothers and my sister, in addition to our three children in a three-bedroom apartment, which is insufficient for eight people.
Now we have been given notice by the landlord to move out (as we can no longer afford the rent). So we are in the process of moving to a two-bedroom apartment. Since we were managing the three-bedroom apartment, it is evident that the two-bedroom will not contain us all.
I have tried to explain to my husband that his brothers should not move with us, but he insists that he can’t ask them not to come because they will have to return to the village. My sister, on the other hand, helps us to take care of the children. Besides, my brothers-in-law do consume a lot of food while my sister barely eats.
My husband thinks we can still manage with everyone, but I think otherwise. I am currently the only one catering for the whole household and I don’t know how long I can keep up with this pressure before I blow my top. Please advise.
Mrs Joy.
Dear Mrs Joy,
Thank you for your mail. Let me start by commending you on holding the home and being a real help-meet with your present circumstance.
I suspect that your husband doesn’t want his brothers to know that he has lost his job. However, the reality is that your situation demands a change as money is only coming in from one source – you.
I will advise that you sit your husband down and give him mathematical calculations of how much you earn and the household expenses with/without the unnecessary extra mouths.
I can see that you prefer to have your sister stay, as you find her more useful. However, it will definitely create “bad blood” among your in-laws. It will be better for all concerned, if everyone leaves now. Luckily, you are relocating, so it’s a beautiful opportunity to send everyone back. They will, no doubt, suspect that things are not as rosy as it used to be when they realise that you are moving into a smaller house.
This is a decision you will both have to take; but to show fairness, it has to apply to both your siblings. You may bring your sister back at a much later date, if you believe she is more useful.
Please don’t blow your top, as it will put your husband in a disadvantaged position with his family. I pray that your husband gets another job quickly.
