By Lechi Eke
Of recent, Ulari became acquainted with the social lifestyles and behaviours of the dating class. The phenomena she found entrenched within this class proved very difficult for her to process. She had become curious about this class of people with the entrance of Benjamin Nguuma Torkular (J) into their lives. Night after night on her bed, she lay, supine and still trying to process the eldritch behaviours of the dating class which she could scant fathom; for instance, of a guy engaging two young women simultaneously in a love affair! What does he say to them apart? Of what love wave is he operating – Platonic? Agape? Sensual? Filial, Oedipus, or Sibling? What confused her was her previous knowledge of love relationships; she thought it was about companionship, about being ‘preferred above all others.’ But, with what she now unearthed, she wondered if having more than one was a requisite for the peregrination of marriage, or an unfortunate senseless happenstance, or a necessary ingredient in hedonistic pursuit. In all, she found the occurrences ungraspable.
Curiously, running simultaneously with the current J situation, is the love triangle her roommate, Kemi, was caught in with her boyfriend and some girl. Hmm … she pondered; this is a challenge of the dating class.
Observing Kemi’s lean and drawn visage which seemed to have taken permanent residence on her exterior of recent, made Ulari wonder if love affairs were worth the aches and pains they seemed to rent a life with. Kemi, most evenings, would lean on the veranda rail brooding over a stick of cigarette: she just picked up smoking. Ulari gained insight into what could occupy her mind on the last day her boyfriend visited her. It should be the other girl, her rival, whose name Ulari learned was Ofuri, an ex-beauty queen of their prestigious citadel of knowledge. Ulari just got to know her not long ago when she ran into her in the Departmental office of where she borrowed her elective courses. She caught Ulari’s attention with her overtly coquettish behaviour. Ulari learned that she had sworn to get BJ out.
It was the season of insomnia for all of them in Room B305. When they returned to school in the present semester, Bukky shared with Ulari something very tragic indeed, that Soki’s campus sweetheart of four years, being an only son, had been forced to marry someone he impregnated at home during the last holidays, in order to preserve the family name.
Most nights while Ulari lay sleepless on her bed thinking of relationships, she would hear her roommates, Kemi and Soki, conversing in low tones and the neon light of her table clock would show 3:30am or 4am. And it was not that they were reading. These were nights Kemi and Soki weren’t out clubbing or partying, for they had gone full blown reckless now, engaging in those as if they were their primary assignments as students. Really, they should be sleeping, but apparently, love had murdered sleep.
Principally, BJ, Kemi’s boyfriend held Ulari’s interest. He began to occupy Ulari’s mind after what transpired between him and Kemi that last day he visited their room. It was for obvious reasons Ulari gave him a place of scrutiny in her heart. She thought that with constant internal examination she might discover what might help her decode J’s intentions. She was hiding something she called a tango with trouble. J was interested in her, but J came for Bukky, and they were Christian girls! This caused her internal pains and agitations. Even in the most secret places of her heart, Ulari would not admit that she was interested in the soldier. All Bisi’s tongue-lashing often fell with blistering precision on her naked heart. So, day after day Ulari’s ruminations centred on BJ, and the whys of his serial relationships. When her mind traversed relationships, it visited and tarried with thoughts of J. She knew she had caveats from heaven to stay away from relationships that involved heart palpitations, and the weakening of the knees. The second warning had her disconcerted.
One night Ulari overheard the two girls talking. They discussed what a girl could do in the event of an unwanted pregnancy. But the girls didn’t brand it unwanted pregnancy. Kemi just said her monthly circle was late, and what did Liz say for one to do in such circumstance.
“Did she say cut unripe limes and squeeze into a half glass of gin?” asked Kemi.
Ulari’s heart walloped painfully within fear. She knew that that is also a likely problem of the dating class. All that emotions welling up on the inside of lovers, one day would culminate into a physical activity to satiate them. Disturbingly, in the morning, Kemi slipped into her corner to inquire carefully about prayer and how potent it is as “gizmo” to meet needs.
Ulari remembered what her mother told her about the ‘holy.’
“You’re a woman now. If a man lies with you, you’ll not see the holy in its season and you’d carry a child; your stomach will swell up.” And grandma Ugoriji taught them: “You have only one body; it’s not a sex toy. Don’t allow men to rob you of your dignity. Keep your body for the man who would honour you with a public ceremony.”
Ulari remembered the first time she saw the holy it did not take her by surprise. When she felt a strange wetness between her legs she went to the toilet to verify it, pulling down her panty, she quickly wiped herself with a white toilet paper and it was stained red. Then, she knew that the holy had arrived. She went to see her mother who had the things she needed ready, namely the black panties and the flat sanitary towels. And the teachings were repeated.
Now, Kemi had lost her holy!
The second warning came on a Saturday. So, that fateful day, Ulari and her friends were in her room trying to deal with the issue of the new intruder into their perfect life, the soldier, J. Her friend, Bisi’s, words were very stiff against the soldier. She used words like: bad apple, wolf in sheep’s clothing, pestilential fellow, and so on for him. It was her friend, Bukky, who brought this soldier into their lives. Ulari was terrified, and her friends had no wind of it, nor did they know for what reasons. She hid her fear like an unwanted pregnancy. Bisi was presiding over judgement against the Tiv soldier in her usual unstinting tactless tone, very fight-provoking (but Bible says provoke people only to love!), and Bukky was rearing for a fight, waiting for their friend to finish for her to give her the length of her tongue. Ulari was in between with soft words to cool the air and cause raised dust to settle back not because she was a peaceful person, but because she was bashful and would die if her roommates caught wind of what they argued about. Then, three raps on the door.
It was BJ, Mr Unilag, Kemi’s boyfriend, a well-known figure in the campus; tall, brash and braggadocios. He moved with his cronies. They filed passed Ulari’s shielded corner to Kemi’s. Soon some rough exchanges ensued between Kemi and the boy.
“I told you to keep your voice down that my roommates were awake, you see?” Ulari whispered.
“Get a life, girl, and leave me alone!” BJ yelled suddenly breaking the quietness in the room.
Kemi’s voice was too low to be heard. BJ shouted, “Yeah, that’s right! You’re not my wife. You don’t dictate to me who I go out with, and if I catch you molesting her, I’ll skin you alive!”
Ulari lost colour, and the air felt insufficient in the room. Bukky’s eyes dilated and her jaw dropped. But Bisi had a smirk and nodded as if enjoying the shameful incident. Suddenly, an unhealthy chill descended in the small stuffy space of Ulari’s corner as if an evil wind blew. Her mind processed what was happening and downloaded the answer to her – a guy was dumping a girl after using her body for almost two years! They had been an item on campus. Kemi was almost as tall as BJ, but she was no beauty queen. She and BJ looked good together, they matched each other in coarseness, and were always seen everywhere if they were not having classes.
A girl’s voice said something barely audible, then BJ’s rough reply, “What have you done for me that two hundred other babes can’t do for me? Tell me.”
“So, this is goodbye?” a different girl’s voice gasped.
“That’s Soki!” Bukky said needlessly.
“If she can’t accept me on my terms, well, yes!”
There was silence, and then movements; sounds of chairs creaking; weight being lifted off bed, and the boys filed out of the room banging the door after them, the force rattling the windows.
After a brief silence, one of the girls hissed loudly, and they began to converse in low tones. Ulari and her friends rose to go to the buttery for brunch. Bisi and Ulari would proceed from there to the chapel for choir practice for Ulari and executive meeting of ACCF (Anglican Communion Campus Fellowship) for Bisi. Bukky would return to her room. As they got to the door, Ularii called out, “Kemi, are you alright?”
“Yes, of course, why do you ask?” came her quick reply. Ulari shrugged. That was the kind of dishonesty rife in the campus among the dating class. “I’m off to the Chapel after eating in the buttery,” Ulari said trying to sound casual. They always told each other where they were going.
“Okay, bye,” chorused Kemi and Soki in happy voices.
“Bye!” repeated Soki in a drawl high pitched happier tone.
“Bye,” said Ulari subdued. She was both unhappy and ashamed for them both, especially Kemi. Whether they admitted it or not, something terrible just happened to them. BJ had been a regular visitor to their room. She and her friends had witnessed a girl’s humiliation. They were locked in their own thoughts as they hurried to the buttery.
Sitting away from other people with their plates of food and some soft drinks, each girl trying to process the incident that just happened in Ulari’s room, Bisi broke the silence which the cognoscenti said was golden. However, before Bisi’s rude interruption of Ulari’s thoughts, Ulari was just thinking that God arranged that little scenario as a warning to tempted souls.
“That’s the consequence of her ungodly decision to date a guy,” Bisi announced to her friends who she had made her spiritual wards through her portentous behaviour. Bukky groaned loudly. Ulari could see a sliver of lightning and a silent clap of thunder in the atmosphere: quarrel brewing as the clouds gathered on Bukky’s face. This was the time to stop, Ulari thought, if Bisi was as wise as she made people believe. “Nothing good comes out of boys drooling over…”
“Enough, madam!” Bukky hissed and took her plate of food to another table. That almost killed Ulari. Girls were watching. There were over half a dozen girls in the buttery that late morning. She and her friends had an unwritten rule to always keep a pleasant front. They were goldfishes on campus. Many girls looked up to them, and they thought they represented Jesus, but Bukky… well, what could one say about Bisi? She hardly knew when to quit admonishing.
Ularii called upon Jesus to help them. Other girls stared at them. Suddenly she looked up and saw that Bukky’s table had no ceiling fan. “I hope that table is warm enough? This fan is actually too much, but I like it.” Other girls looked up at the ceiling and looked at Ulari and her friends. A moment passed. Suddenly, Bukky smiled and nodded. “I’m fine here, Ula.” Her voice was kind. Ulari heaved a sigh of relief. Bisi continued spooning porridge beans and fried plantain into her mouth unperturbed. Ulari knew she would not let go the matter. She would visit it the next opportunity she had.
Ularii’s thoughts returned to BJ. As she travelled on thought lane, she arrived at J, and as usual tarried there. J, is he really a Christian? Why did he return to visit Bukky? Does he date? Has he kept himself for the Lord? Soon, she was lost in those thoughts again.
Culled from The Girls are not to Blame by Lechi Eke.
