Dear Tinu,
I am a 44-years-old single lady, and have been believing God for a life partner.
I was in a long term relationship (15 years), which ended when I discovered the other party had impregnated another lady. Since then, I have had lots of disappointments, as the men just leave me for reasons that don’t make sense to me.
My past experiences have taught me not to trust any man or even rely on them because they will always disappoint. My mother is not making things easy, as she is constantly begging and crying for me to just get married to someone. I have told her that I just don’t want anybody; that I want to marry the right person.
The problem now is that my ex (the one who impregnated another girl) has been pestering me to come back to him. He claimed not to be happy in his marriage, and that the lady (his wife) trapped him with the pregnancy.
He wants us to pick up our relationship from where we left off.
I am considering him right now because I am thinking of the saying that “the devil you know is better than the angel you haven’t met” (better the devil you know than the devil you don’t).
Age is not on my side. What should I do?
Bola A.
Dear Bola,
One statement I love which you made is that you “want to get married to the right person”. And that I think you should do. You deserve the right person for you. You deserve the best. You have to keep saying that to yourself, so you don’t settle for less.
I don’t think this your ex is the best or right person for you. There is a reason he is an ex! Please don’t forget that.
You will also need to change your mindset about men if you want to meet and sustain a good relationship. Trust issues are not limited to men alone. Anyone can develop trust issues, which it appears you have now. You have to be careful not to judge all, present and future relationships, based on a terrible past experience; as most of the time, it ruins the relationship.
Meanwhile, there is absolutely nothing like “the devil you know is better than the angel you haven’t met”. I don’t know who coined that. Remember, your ex is a married man. He chose the other lady while he was with you. It is his luck if she trapped him. He walked into her trap. If he didn’t have sexual relations with her, she wouldn’t pin a pregnancy on him. Do not get into a relationship that will ultimately destroy you. It’s not just worth it. I beg you. Send this your ex away. Don’t pick his calls.
A good man, worthy of you and your love will certainly come along. It’s never too late for God.
