Life in the diaspora: Love and loneliness – dating, marriage and emotional survival
By Mary Opii
In the hustle and quiet of diaspora life, there is a subject many avoid – loneliness. It lurks behind successful careers, neat houses, and Facebook photos with smiling faces. For many Nigerians living in the UK, especially singles and even some couples, the emotional cost of migration is real, and deeply felt.
Here, love is not just about finding a partner, it is about surviving in a world where you often feel unseen. It is about connection, belonging, and building intimacy in an environment that can feel cold, fast-paced, and isolating.
For Nigerian singles in the UK, the dating scene is an unfamiliar territory. Courting customs back home, introductions, respect for elders, and community involvement don’t quite apply here. In their place is a culture of apps, casual meetups, and a more individualistic approach to relationships.
Some Nigerians adapt quickly, learning to navigate Tinder, Bumble, or Facebook groups to find partners. Others struggle with the lack of depth, cultural disconnection, or fear of exploitation; especially with stories of immigration motivated marriages circulating widely. And then there is the classic tension, of finding someone who shares your values, understands your roots, and still fits your new reality.
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For some, the challenge is not finding love, but maintaining it across oceans. Married people who travelled ahead of their spouses often face emotional strain, raising children alone, or fending off temptations in silence. Video calls don’t replace real hugs. And trust, no matter how strong, gets tested with distance and time.
Some relationships crumble under the weight of distance, loneliness, or changed priorities. Others survive and grow stronger, built on communication, shared goals, and the hope of reunion.
Even marriages that move together face new pressures in the UK. There are no house helps or extended families to step in. Couples work long shifts, juggle childcare, and try to sustain intimacy between bills and burnout.
Some thrive, becoming tighter teams in the face of adversity. Others begin to drift, especially when traditional gender roles clash with the demands of Western living. The woman who once stayed at home may now earn more than the husband. The man who used to lead may struggle to adapt. These shifts, if unaddressed, can create silent distance between partners.
But those who embrace communication, shared responsibility, and emotional honesty often find that love in the diaspora, though hard, can become deeper, more resilient, and more rewarding.
Whether single or married, many immigrants silently battle emotional loneliness. Friendships are harder to form or keep, as everyone is busy. Conversations often stay surface-level. And without a strong community or faith base, it is very easy to sink into emotional exhaustion.
Many find solace in faith communities, trusted friends, support groups, or simply by opening up and being honest about what they feel. Because emotional survival in the diaspora isn’t a luxury, it is a necessity.
Love in the diaspora may look different from what we knew at home, but it is no less possible. It takes patience, openness, and a willingness to build, not just wish. Most of all, it takes prayers and personal commitment to God, to keep your relationship intact, knowing that with God all things are possible!
