They fly to London not to discuss the imminent implosion in Nigeria through banditry, Buhari’s ethnocentric agenda, corruption, Fulani kidnappers, insecurity, incompetency, neofascistic democracy, and unemployment but to bring politics down under the rubble of conspiratorial paranoia that speaks to elite greed.
By Taju Tijani
London is becoming a political watering hole where politicians come to protect delicate stomach infrastructure. It is a place where they come to reinvent their wellbeing and buy the secret of longevity. It is the second home of General Buhari. He came several times for life-altering transfusion that miraculously transformed his once gaunt look into a full bloodied Fulani poster man. In ancient time, London was the place of sexual hijinks for rich Nigerians learning the art of adultery and fornication combined. It was a place where Nigerian politicians throw away stuffy inhibitions to forage deep into Soho, London’s famous sexual red district, in search of threesome, cunninglingus, bondage, SDM and other acrobatic sexual escapades.
Contemptible as it was, sexual escapades, especially among our respected public figures when abroad became beastly some years ago. London was turned into a Mecca of fun for our idle rich to display stolen wealth, profligacy, vanity, ego, and their large and uncontrolled sexual appetite for orgies.
Ex-convicts, looters and corrupt civil servants who had made money stealing from public vaults routinely threw expensive champagne parties as a sort of magnet to attract adventurous girls looking for connection, fun, fame, and fortune. London changed from being known as a place of sedate tranquillity and haven for mentally fatigued executives, to a hidden Eden where multiple orgasms could be heard metres away. Hoohaaa was the order of the day!
In those days, it was a common sight to behold our political Casanovas in fetching silk suit in Oxford Street with dark glasses as they cuddled beautiful and smiling teenagers in tight fitting jean along this busy street. Buffoons and brain-dead looters converged routinely to celebrate the arrival of another tranche of stolen wealth. Their excesses used to be the talk of the town among diaspora Nigerians who were forced to flee the country when these same thieves could not guarantee their future.
We used to pity politicians and army generals highly respected back home being reduced to jellyfishes by starry-eyed and street-smart London girls in irresistible sexy bikinis and wonder bras with breasts looking like tower of eternal pleasure. There were many scandals, hurtful banters and not quite amusing insults thrown at our perverted public personalities even in their own wild parties. They took the insults stoically and laugh lazily as if it was alright to be abused by babes of their granddaughter’s equal.
The logic of the ghetto was built around these insults. It went like this: if corrupt politicians, alhaji, or sugar daddies wanted temperate sex, thousands of miles from tropical Nigeria, they must bear the indignities of western values that pay less respect to titles or personalities. Chief Adelabu simply became Ade! General Owolabi simply became Owo from the seductive lips of immoral babes on assignment to make money. Old men became toy boy in an astonishing moral somersault.
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Teenagers who had spent their money on both summer and winter sales in London’s shopping corridors hunted for these rich bounders for their own share of stolen wealth. Ironically, it never bothered the impressionistic mind of these fortune hunters that they were mere sex slaves in the sleazy game of these honey daddies. It never occurred to them that they were just another notch on these philanderers’ bedpost.
In the early 80’s and 90’s, Nigeria had no sewer newspaper to expose the sexual indiscretions of their famous sons. There were no 24 hours television cameras to snoop on the sexual shame of our pampered public servants. So, with virtually no newspaper and television stations to hound them out, modesty took a tumble as our supposedly movers and shakers began to indulge themselves in sexual fantasies common to the shores of the perverted continent of Europe. They threw caution to the wind, not minding the stereotypes of the white population of UK. Thankfully, the bad days of our open sore of sexual insanity have all gone. Gallant conquerors of yesteryears are now old to walk that craggy, dusty, and scandalous road again. Even old mistresses are now married! Some of the singletons of those bygone era left on the shelf are now wrinkled and out of circulation.
Today, London is becoming infamous as a battleground for embattled Nigerian politicians to settle scores, cut deal, deceive opponents and stab with long knives. London is becoming a dark alley where politicians are weaving sorcery to bewitch their opponents into human zombies. It is becoming a dead-end isle where equally dead-end politicians struggle to relight their political candle that had been blown out in Nigeria by inter party rancour, ambition, greed, and treachery. It is a place where politicians come to buga their way from irrelevance to relevance at the speed of light.
Nyesom Wike, Atiku Abubakar, Bola Tinubu, Samuel Ortom, Seyi Makinde, Okezie Ikpeazu and other political assassins are erasing the old footprints of Nigerian business elites and military generals who once made London famous as a place where Lotharios and Casanovas lost their reputations to the opened thighs of amorous young Nigerian Olosos. When I weigh the pain, the neglect, the poverty and misery of Nigerian voters, my conclusion is that politicians who travel to London to plan how to share posts after election are committing cardinal sin against the virtue of decency, insulting Nigerian voters and are all unpatriotic.
They fly to London not to discuss the imminent implosion in Nigeria through banditry, Buhari’s ethnocentric agenda, corruption, Fulani kidnappers, insecurity, incompetency, neofascistic democracy, and unemployment but to bring politics down under the rubble of conspiratorial paranoia that speaks to elite greed, mercilessness, selfishness, political myopia, and insensitivity to the needs of ordinary, suffering, and tired Nigerians. I still maintain that Nigerian politicians are the tyrannical threat to our liberty, development, greatness, and freedom.
In their altered ecology of class interests, they have monetised our democracy, bastardised our morality, bankrupted Nigeria into a failed state, ripped political accountability to pieces, made virtue out of looting public fund, disabled our judiciary for their lawlessness, sold their soul to Satan and created a dysfunctional society where dog eat dog.
