By Tina Kanu
Life involves many tasks. We have roles to play and responsibilities to carry out. But when we have no idea of what is expected of us or what our responsibilities are, our performance will be below standard.
Likewise in marriage.
We sometimes hear statements like, “I feel like a failure as a husband or I feel like a failure as a wife”. This is simply because people have no idea of what their roles or responsibilities are in marriage.
Therefore, it is very important for a man and a woman to know what is expected of them in marriage.
When we examine the marriage covenant based on Scriptural, we see that leadership in marriage belongs to the man, just as childbearing belongs to the woman.
This power of responsibility is given to the man by God Almighty Himself so that the husband directs the affairs of the family and leads the relationship.
Renowned marriage counsellor, Selwyn Hughes, in one of his books quoted a Spanish proverb which says, “Woe is the house where the hen crows and the cock keeps quiet.”
This means that somebody has to be in-charge, but it has to be the one created or designed for such a task.
Some couples argue that the husband and wife should both be leaders in marriage, but that is changing God’s rules concerning marriage. Ruth Grahan once said that if there are two leaders in marriage, then one of them is unnecessary.
We live in a time where people are tampering with God’s principles on marriage, but unless we obey God’s ordained order in marriage, it will continue to bring us hurt and lead to separation.
In any marriage where roles are well defined, understood, and followed, the relationship blossoms.
1 Corinthians 11:3 says, “But I would have you know that the head of every man is Christ and the head of every woman is the man and the head of Christ is God.”
The Bible makes it very clear that a man must be the head in every marital union.
Ephesians 5:21-25 says, “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord.
“For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church and He is the saviour of the body.
“Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
“Husbands, love your wives even as Christ also loved the Church and gave himself for it.”
Ephesians 5:1-2 begin by saying that we should be imitators of God as beloved children and should walk in love just as Christ also loved us and gave Himself for us.
We are created in the image of God and that entails the responsibility to reflect the very character of God.
Imitating God and walking in love involves submission to authority, and this submission has to take place in the fear of God.
All authority is under Christ and saying that we honour God while disobeying His authority structure makes us guilty of hypocrisy.
Submitting in the fear of God as His dear children does not imply fear as a prisoner to his captor, rather the fear which a son has for his father. The kind of fear which does not wish to offend one who he loves.
Jesus Christ says, “If you love Me, keep My commandments” (John 14:15).
God has given the husband this duty of leading the marriage. This leadership must be a loving leadership.
When we talk of wives being submissive to the husband in marriage, we are not implying that the woman is inferior to the man. And the intention is not also to make her become inferior.
This kind of submission is not that of a slave to her tyrant master but that of a queen to her king. The wife is the queen of her husband’s heart and palace; so she submits as queen, not as slave.
In the account in Genesis, creation was not complete until the woman came into the picture. It means the wife is a powerful and important part of the man.
God said the woman’s role is that of a help mate to her husband, so submitting to her husband does not make her an object he can exploit at his pleasure.
When Eve was brought to Adam, he immediately recognised her as the bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh (Genesis 2:23). This means the man can never be complete without the woman.
Remove the woman from the man and one part of him will be missing. Same goes for the woman; she is totally incomplete without her husband. So they complement each another.
It can also be seen as a notion of unity, so there is no room for inferiority of person.
The man and woman are both equal in every respect except one – Authority. They both have two different tasks of equal value and dignity.
A very good example is the relationship between the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
These Three members are equal in glory, value, power, holiness, et cetera. The Son is no less divine than the Father. They are fully God, yet we know that the Son came for man’s redemption because the Father sent Him. Not the Son sending the Father.
And both the Father and the Son sent the Holy Ghost, Who is also equal to the Father and the Son.
The submission of both the Son and the Holy Ghost to God the Father does not carry any mark of inferiority. Jesus Christ willingly submitted to the Father without a word of protest. It is this willingness God wants us to imitate.
The Bible admonishing wives to submit to their husbands does not mean female inferiority. It is only calling for division of labour in marriage. Leadership role is for the man, not the woman.
But one spouse alone cannot build a successful marriage.
Marriage becomes successful and flourishes when both spouses work together as a team to build it, and when both decide that winning together is more important than fighting for position.
Successful marriage requires both partners to submit to the leadership and Lordship of Jesus Christ instead of competing for control.
When we turn to our Lord Jesus Christ and open our heart to His Spirit leading, we will find a new pattern to our marriage.
When Jesus Christ is at the centre of your marriage, it relieves you of power struggle.
