Relationship experts have consistently stated that next to sex, money is a divisive issue in many homes. Money issue comes in different dimensions, which could lead to instability in homes. To curb this rising incidence, Practical Christian Living Initiative recently held a couples’ dinner where the focus was on getting practical steps to address these issues. Women’s Editor, TEMITOPE OJO, reports.
The need for the Church to stop embarrassing God with their marriages and be better Christians in the homes was again brought to the fore at a recent special couple’s dinner, organised by Practical Christian Living Initiative (PCLI), with the theme, ‘For the Love of Money’ at Oriental Hotel, Lekki, Lagos.
PCLI is a faith-based, non-governmental organisation that talks about marriage issues with a view to educating and assisting men and women to bring healing to their homes and relationship.
Host and convener, Tinuola Agbabiaka, noted that all individuals, especially couples, have money issues. The solution is to know how to handle it well. She added that many marriages are known to have broken up or are on the verge of separation because of such issues. As a solution, she urged couples to set aside time to talk about money.
“You must schedule ‘money talk’. You are team members, not enemies. Have it at the back of your mind that you are in the same team. You both want the same things that are good for the children, security, a better life, etc.
Among her suggestions are:
*Let there be honesty and transparency. There are too many liars as couples. The funny thing is that you can’t get away with it because your spouse eventually would find out.
*Don’t go into debt without your partner’s knowledge or consent.
*Don’t hide your pay slip. Don’t hide things; remember that lie begets lie.
On what to how and what to discuss during the ‘money talk’, she said:
*Be prepared. Have your figures and facts ready when you want to have money talks.
* Talk about your long or short term goals. You can’t follow someone that is going nowhere. Money matters have to be discussed in a businesslike/serious manner.
* Take responsibility. For any fruitful conversation, never use ‘you’, (for example) you spent such and such amount; you said that; you don’t have a right etc. That is accusatory and the person you are talking with will be on the defensive.
* Be forgiving
* Agree on goals/create plans to put the goals into effect together.
* Be prepared to make sacrifices. Understand that men and women have different use when it comes to money. For men, money is like a scorecard and not having it is like failure; it makes them less of a man. Women, on the other hand, see money as security; they believe that with money, their children’s future is secured.
Also speaking at the event, Rev. Albert Oluwole, who was the guest speaker, opined that not all individuals differ where money is concerned. Men enjoy the prominence, while women enjoy the process, he said.
He, however, added there must be spenders and savers in all families. So, while one of you is the spender, the other is likely going to be the saver.
He advised: “Try to ensure your finance does not affect your sex life. Whatever the state of your finance, don’t let your sex life suffer. Even when they are not jobless, men tend to desire sex more.
*Build trust in one another; let him/her know when there is money or when there is none.
* Form a financial plan; sow, settle debts, spend, save and spare.
* Enjoy the journey – there are three levels in your finances; not enough, just enough or more than enough; whichever one it is, enjoy the journey.
*Depend on God; He maketh all things beautiful in his time.
*Don’t use all you have to eat.
* When there is no money, women are the ones that fear more; so they need reassurance
* Understand your different views on money.
* Let there be a periodic assessment.
* Marriage is a ride, but sometimes the ride can be really rough; so we all need to pray, pray, pray!”
Earlier in his welcome address, the chief host, Oriyomi Agbabiaka, revealed that PCLI, which is in its ninth year, has, through the help God, been impacting relationships and helping people to build wholesome relationships.
“The Bible says ‘God is love’; so we know that when we celebrate love, we celebrate God. Here, we do a lot of theory in terms of talks and seminars, but we also heal relationships,” he said.
Prayers were offered for ailing homes, while couples present also took part in couple’s dance. The best dancing couple was presented with gifts.
The event began earlier in the day when the NGO hosted a special men’s summit tagged, ‘A man worthy of respect’.
The forum was held to educate young male adults that were willing to learn and improve themselves to be good husbands and fathers.
Mrs. Agbabiaka, who spoke extensively on the theme, urged participants to be open to God and be ready to be guided in the right path, adding that if more men avail themselves of opportunities to improve on their lives and relationships, instead of remaining fixated on the values and culture imbibed from their background and environment, relationships and by extension the nation will be affected positively.
