Jealousy is an unease or unhappy feeling you have towards someone else’s success; you see such a person or perhaps thing as your rival. In a more conceptual term, it means “a mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims”. In relationships, the issue of jealousy is mostly related to women. This is a very bad stereotypical assumption, as men also do exhibit jealousy in relationships. This is an emotion that no one is excused from. We should be reminded that emotions know no face, colour, size or gender. It is like a bug, when bitten, you have no choice than to express the feeling from the sting. Therefore, one can rightfully say that both women and men are victims of this emotion (jealousy).
A relationship is a partnership, of two individuals committing to stick with one another through the good and bad. Unfortunately, when the issue of jealousy arises in a relationship, the partner that worries about things he/she suspects tends to be focused on more, while the partner being accused or suspected tends to be focused on less. This shouldn’t be so, as both parties are affected in one way or another.
To be accused and mistrusted by the one you love is a hardship and a definite pain that one cannot bear for a long time. People that find themselves in such situations eventually either walk away or take a stand and call out to their partner (the attacker) to please stop; to please listen to what he/she is saying and being accused of.
The accused tries so hard to reassure the attacker of how much he/she loves him/her and that they are not interested nor lusting for anyone else. When they try to tell you that it is all in your mind, they risk getting attacked more for defence. It is no doubt a vicious circle. They become paranoid that no matter where they are, you are already convinced that they have betrayed you in some way. They wait for you to cool off. Sometimes, it takes a few days; sometimes it drops immediately. Nevertheless, they have to sit by and worry about when it will drop. They fear that this time they will not be able to say the right thing. They fear that the other partner will get even more depressed and irrational with what they say to them. They begin to feel, “damned if they do, and damned if they don’t”.
Jealousy can destroy so many good things in one’s life. It can destroy our partner; through you, it kills the one thing that you love deeply. The worst part about it is, that you allow it. You must make a decision to stop.
Whenever you get to the point of identifying the issues and gotten to the point of dealing with them. Don›t forget to carry your partner along. Together, you can resolve the issues quicker, because they have shared your fears and your pain. It is good to understand that when your partner sees you in pain and they are being told it is because of them, they crumble. You should know that your partner loves you as much as you love them, and to feel they are responsible for your trapped feelings eats them up inside. To see you smile and feel totally loved makes them feel good about themselves, in that they are responsible for that smile. That is a good feeling all the way around.
Also be careful not to fall into that habit of being unhappy through jealous feelings. Understand where the feelings are coming from. Think of this; are you using your feeling as a reason to get attention? If yes, then you cannot get the right attention you feel you are lacking. Here is the right time to talk to your partner. Do not let jealous emotions take over and confuse what you really are trying to say. Any weakness in your mind is a direct route for negative feelings to travel through. Once they get there, they work very quickly at bringing you down. So be aware of what exactly you are feeling.
It is high time you put your worries and fears aside and took risks in your relationship. Be open about your feelings. And learn to live, love and laugh. This is very therapeutic.
