Dear Agatha
There is a girl I have a crush on and wishing we would end up getting married. I am 30 years of age and an engineer by profession.
I am currently doing my Master’s programme. She has finished her Master’s. She is also an engineer but unlike me, she is yet to secure an appointment.
We met about two months ago but my problem with her is that she acts funny at times. One day we are the best of friends and another day she goes all cold on me to the extent of not picking my calls.
Although I have not made known to her what my real intentions are she knows about my soft spot for her.
She started her funny attitude after I declared my likeness for her. This behaviour of hers has made it difficult for me to make my intentions known to her because she might just start avoiding me completely.
Agatha, I do not really know how to approach her so as not to embarrass myself and as well scare her away from me completely.
Sometimes I think part of her problem has to do with pride due to her level of education or just doing the normal things women do, play tough before agreeing to a man’s request.
Kindly assist me on how to approach her because I would really wish to marry her if she pays me attention.
Worried guy.
Dear worried guy
To desire to have her in your life permanently means you have seen some very rare qualities in her which are absent in the women that have graced your life so far.
There a saying that the more rare the qualities of gold, the more precious it is to those who want it? Therefore it follows that there is always a price of patience and perseverance that must accompany something very precious.
Success does not come easy in life. A determined mind must cross so many obstacles to get to that desired goal. If you really want this woman so desperately in your life, you must develop the thickness of skin to overlook her current disposition towards you.
That she is behaving this way does not necessarily mean she is arrogant about her educational accomplishment; after all, you are not without the same scale of education as she has. So why would she want to show off to you?
To assume that is her reason for doing what she is doing is a restricted way of thinking and is completely unfair to her, since you don’t even know anything about her past as well as her experiences with men.
So many things could make a woman wary of going into a fresh relationship.
For instance, she may just be recuperating from the after effect of a relationship that she had invested so much in. To jump therefore into another relationship may not be on her menu for now.
She would certainly require from any man who wants her, certain measure of sympathy and tolerance to vacate whatever bitterness she has accumulated from her not too pleasant experiences in the hands of men.
She also may be the kind of woman who has persistently fallen into the wrong hands of men who only want a woman’s body.
You must also appreciate one fact; that she may currently be in a very profitable relationship. Other men are not blind to the qualities you see in her.
Just as you desire her for those qualities so would other men. Simply because you are single does not mean she is. To think that way would be very presumptuous of you.
In addition, when a relationship goes sour, the woman is the one who suffers the most; because apart from missing the affection of the man, she is the one whose body suffers the wear and tear of intimacy.
For every unplanned pregnancy and abortion that take place in her life, the lifespan of her womb depreciates. Some women never recover from such experiences.
If at the end of the day, the man for whom she procured the abortion ends up not marrying her, she becomes the sole victim of that decision and entire experience.
These are some of the reasons some women put stiff obstacles on the path of men wanting to get close to them.
Rather than begin your quest to win her with calling her names, first make the effort of getting to know her by becoming her friend.
On the days she is quite friendly, ask her why she goes completely cold on you at times. It might be her cue to open to you. Knowing you are willing to get to know her beyond the façade she presents to the world might warm her heart enough to share her past with you.
For women who know how to think, love is not the first thing a woman looks out for in a man.
Rather, she looks out for friendship, a man who can make her talk about those things hidden deep in her heart, who can make her laugh, forget her challenges, cry her heart out over those things she has no solutions to, make her smile even when she is hurting so much and making her appreciate who she is.
What she may really be in need of is a friend who would make her feel all these things.
Love is woven into friendship; by the time she is relaxed with you, looks forward to seeing you, and brightens up at hearing your voice, then you know she is ready to feel love again.
Your concern now should be what is responsible for the way she is currently behaving. Once you know, it would be easy for her to see how much you want to make her happy.
This way you would have allayed whatever fear of insincerity she may think you have towards her.
Good luck.
