By Tina Kanu
Destructive forces in marriage can lead to marital conflict if not properly handled.Anger is one of the most troublesome emotional problems for a Christian and a very big destructive force in marriage.
Many couples allow anger to ruin their marriage because they insist on sweating about the small difference in their partner’s personality.
They allow little details get to them so much that their lives are full of problems. We don’t have to make a big deal of every little offence we can easily ignore.
There are many reasons to get upset each day, yet you have the right to choose to let go of such offence and stay in peace.
The dictionary defines anger as the strong feeling you have when something has happened that you think is bad and unfair. Anger is a strong displeasure.
A renowned author, David Augsburger, says
- Anger is a demand that you hear me.
- That you stop violating my rights.
- That you recognise my wrath.
- That you leave me alone to do whatever I please.
When your freedom to be you is threatened, you become anxious, tensed and ready for action, and the action is usually a bitter and hostile one.
Songs of Solomon 2:15 says, “It is the little foxes that spoil the vine.”
Many marriages end up in divorce because of little offences partners keep in their heart. Some destroy the peace of their homes because of little issues they refuse to let go that eventually become huge mountains they cannot climb over.
If we continue to take account of all the evil done to us by our partner, we will never have a good marriage and our relationship will remain complicated.
I was very good at keeping record of all the wrongs done to me by my husband that hurt me. This made me very miserable and l was never happy with him.
But when l began to read the Bible with enthusiasm, it began to make more sense to me. It also made me desire more of God in my life.
You find true happiness in marriage only when you read the Bible with willingness to do what it says despite what the other person does.
It can be annoying to find out that you are still the one who needs to change and not the one who you think is irritating your life.
Sometimes when you sit back and ask yourself the reason for the irritation and bitterness, you may not see any reason tangible enough except that your pride has been hurt or your ego pricked.
It is very important to know that when someone offends us, their intention may not be to offend us.
When you cultivate the habit of believing this, your relationship with your partner will be less complicated. And when you are the one always offended, you suffer more in your relationship.
If your mind is filled with thought of wrong done to you, you will not enjoy peace in your marriage.
James 2:19 says we should be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to take offence and to get angry.
We must learn to ignore some of the things we count as offence and insult.
Forgive your spouse always, no matter the offence or insult, because the quicker you forgive the less likely you are to stick with the root of bitterness in your heart and the smoother your marriage will run.
In the heat of emotional breakdown it’s always impossible to ascertain the cause of anger.
But as a Christian, you have God’s grace and ability for self control and since God supplies us with all the grace we need, let’s tap into this grace and everything will work out for our good.
Your thoughts play a very important role in your attitude.
A confused and complicated thought leads to a complicated approach to everything else. Your action reflects your thoughts. If you harbour only negative thoughts about your partner, it produces negative action towards him/her.
Mathew 12:34 says, “Out of the heart, the mouth speaks”. If you want to enjoy your marriage, your thoughts about your spouse must be like God’s thoughts towards you, thoughts of good and not of evil.
Renew your mind to think like God.
Our circumstances are not responsible for our unhappiness but the way we see things. We must change our negative approach to issues to be positive.
Control your thoughts, don’t just think whatever comes to your mind. Learn to choose your thoughts carefully. The battle starts in your mind.
Joyce Meyer says our mind is the battle field.
Don’t allow satan to plant evil thoughts of bitterness against your partner in your mind because his aim is to use such thoughts to destroy your marital happiness.
Remember the devil only wants to kill, steal and destroy.
Don’t spend all your time meditating on the wrongs your partner has done to you, but meditate on the things that are good which your partner has done for you so as not to lose your joy.
Being willing to forgive removes life’s complications and hurt quickly from us.
Shalom
