Continued from last week…
One of Unilag’s leading women was Risi Ogunbor (PhD); (MFR). She earned them. And at the moment, she was working towards her professorship. An accomplished woman by any standard, Risi, as she insisted she be addressed by her colleagues because she was very young, 34, 38 actually, was a great resource person to not only the prestigious institute of the University of Lagos, but to the female folk of the students. Her classes never took off without a pep talk on girls finding their identities and pursuing their ambitions.
“Marriage shouldn’t be the utmost thing on your list as you graduate. Spend quality time by yourself regularly and meditate, think through who you are and how to add value to your world.” Risi had girls’ attention.
For her work in this area, the university supported and aided her project, Girls’ Time with Risi. She went on to be on TV and it was a huge success. Now, Girls’ Time with Risi had become a foundation and many young women had benefited from it.
To Dr Risi Ogunbor, Ulari sought help. She met her in her office located in the Creative Arts Department complex, musing. Her door wasn’t locked; Ulari knocked and turned the knob. Meeting her in what Ulari felt was a somehow private moment, Ulari hesitated at the door, but she waved her in, albeit, reluctantly.
“How may I help you, my friend?” That was Risi’s usual manner of approach towards the girls, very friendly – in fact, girlishly friendly. This way, she had won many young women’s hearts on campus.
Afraid to waste her time, Ulari opened her mouth to say what ailed her. “I’m in total abstinence, you know? And my friends and I are very much set to make a mark in our world before the big M. But, something seems to be rocking my boat right now.”
Dr Risi Ogunbor was all ears. She picked a pen and scribbled down something on a pad in front of her.
“Go on, I’m listening.”
“So, we met this guy, who’s coming on very strong for me. Says he wants marriage and all that. (Risi arched a brow) So, problem isn’t what he wants, but what’s happening to me. (Risi nodded rapidly prodding her). Thoughts of him occupy my mind most of the day and I find him quite distracting.”
“You’re in final year right? (Ulari nodded) Do you think you’re in love with him?”
“I don’t know what that is. My mind is occupied by thoughts of him.”
“If you reject him, do you think you’ll suffer emotionally?”
Ulari considered it for a longer time than briefly, then she said, “He travels all the time, and when he does and can’t reach me by phone, I suffer greatly.”
“How do you suffer?”
“I lose appetite for food and …and… I don’t sleep well at night. Plus, I…I …find it daunting to dress well.”
Dr Ogunbor sat back in her chair and waved her pen in a thoughtful manner. Ulari felt like one consulting an oracle. But she felt not bad because Bible admonished that people when confused should seek counsel. J was moving too fast for her.
She had two other persons she could talk to about J, aside the catechist’s wife and Bro. Francis, but those two, the VC and her HOD, Prof. Akpabio, would be totally against her getting a ‘distraction.’ Dr Ogunbor would be neutral and give sound objective counsel. Besides, she desired to be an achiever and Dr Ogunbor was one. And she seemed a happy person.
Before Ulari knocked and let herself in, Dr Risi Ogunbor was reminiscing about her most recent reunion with her undergraduate classmates. It was a reunion ten years after the last one. She was the most achieved among her former classmates: PhD, MFN, on TV, on the list of Time magazine under 40 100 Most Influential Persons in the world, a landlady in two high-brow neighbourhoods, brand ambassador for La Famme, and the list went on.
Curiously, she could not but noticed how her old classmates talked with their eyes. It didn’t take anytime at all for her to realise that the problem was that she was single, still single 17 years after they left school. That she had earned a doctorate in her profession, she observed, wasn’t as impressive as she thought in their circle because for her, the doctorate was her most priced possession. General talk wasn’t on achievements, oh; well, not on career achievements, but on family achievements. The ladies talked about their husbands and their children, while the men talked about the achievements of their children. She felt cold.
When all her mates were making friendships, socializing and going steady with people, Risi was busy studying hard and making good grades. She had zero social life, and that’s what she was reaping now. She had no close friends. When her friends were getting married, she was very busy in Europe acquiring degrees. When she was not studying, she was very busy writing award-winning books. Now, at 38, no one would mistake her for a very young girl despite her girlish ways. Her youthful looks had gone. She wore youngish outfits and imitated the students’ way of walking, but youthful virtue had gone out of her.
Ironically, she craved for a man. All the men her age were involved with hawk-eyed wives who wouldn’t let other ladies come near. But, even if they did, Risi wasn’t interested in other ladies’ men. She wanted her own. Sadly, all the available men were fathers and grandfathers who were looking for fun, a fling. And Risi at that stage didn’t want a fling.
Is Ulari my product? – She mused. But Ulari put her mind at rest.
“Ever since I came to the knowledge of right and wrong, how my sisters ended up seems to disturb me. (Risi’s eyes asked the voiceless question, ‘how did they end up?’) They seemed to have lost themselves in marriage.”
“Lost themselves?” Risi sat up.
“Yes. One of my sisters is a second class upper division Chemist from Uniport. Now, she’s like a maid, slaving over housework, raising her children, cooking, washing, and ironing for her husband. She hardly ever dresses up except for church.”
Risi relaxed back in her seat. “That’s what married women do.”
“Her husband doesn’t eat outside. She serves him hot and fresh meals three times a day. Oh, Dr Ogunbor, you have no idea how tasking. I’ve been with them in her home; she doesn’t have any time at all for herself. She doesn’t make any money, depends on her husband who buys her stuffs, but doesn’t give her any money. She’s always hard up for cash.”
It had been an outburst. Risi stared at the light-skinned girl in front of her. Suddenly, Risi thought that Ulari’s beauty would not wane like hers. Men could wait.
“I think you should finish school, carve out a career for yourself. If he loves you, he’ll wait.”
But Ulari wasn’t quite done. “It’s also worrisome to me that my life’s goals seem to take a backseat in this guy’s presence.” Ulari’s voice was a lamentation.
“Well, you have to be strong, disciplined. Women need to achieve something, too. Be focused.”
Ulari nodded, thanked her and got up and left.
.Continues next week
.Called from The Girls Are Not To Blame by Lechi Eke
