The ‘One Chance Molue’: The roll call reveals an inept leadership that does not understand that diplomacy is a strategic tool, not a ceremonial afterthought or a mandate place holder. It further reiterates the sorry state of unbridled sycophancy that propels – hitherto thought intelligent persons to sign up for the dark underbelly of the ‘criminal enterprise’… These nominees are not harmless missteps. They are signals that the administration either doesn’t care a hoot, remains indifferent to global standards, or, blind to diplomatic nuance, and resistant to the idea that foreign policy is not optional, but, existential. An administration that is best described in the local parlance – “ONE CHANCE”. As I went down the list, it became unmistakably clear that competence was the exception rather than the rule. Most of the nominees were mere extensions of the propaganda, truth-averse, bigoted, lying and corrupt machinery that stands on the BAT mandate. With only a palmful of exceptions, it was a reunion of BAT’s finest fabulists, enthusiastic amateurs, dynastical progenies, and dingbats of the underbelly. Frankly, a confirmation and make-up of the administration, i.e., one that operates without values and ethics – in one word, shameless… It is a disgrace! Yet, not surprising! I can only hope and pray that history will record this moment – as ‘a bad wish’, and hope that the worst is not yet to come!
By Elsie-Bernadette Onubogu
Somewhere between nature’s mandatory use of reading glasses, finding yourself ‘single’ (either because the kids have all grown and left home, or life has dealt you a blow of death, divorce or ne’er married), and attainment of that state when you have absolutely nothing to prove to anyone, I have learnt that making new friends can be more challenging yet not impossible. When, and if it happens, it is often due in part to a convergence of life issues.
Such connections help to broaden viewpoints about life and its challenges. This is how I met my ‘Amazonian’ Sister. We found ourselves discussing Nigeria’s deepening governance crisis, ‘how to promote progress, and wished the tale of the ‘Midas Touch.’
Perhaps, only a few people are familiar with the tale of King Midas who wished that everything he touched would turn to gold. His wish was granted. Unfortunately, given the nature of gold, he could neither eat, nor be able to hug his loved ones. In a fell swoop, he regretted making that wish.
It appears the wish my Amazonian sister and I had, may face same fate, this time on ‘a One Chance Molue’ driven by a Machiavellian, who has dealt us a ‘bad hand.’ What we termed the absence or collapse of diplomacy and the lack of any coherent foreign-policy vision, ideology, or ethical compass informed ‘our wish’.
Among the many failures and manipulations of this administration, this one stood out as shocking and indefensible. In a nutshell, the absence of diplomacy, particularly with the non-appointment of representatives as Ambassadors who usually act as the nation’s eyes, ears and mouthpiece within the comity of nations.
Suddenly, a red and black striped Molue screeches to a halt, its conductor dangling some coins. With a stony grave voice and coins in his palm, he is heard – shouting, ‘Obalende’ straight, ‘wole, wole, wole’ inside as long as you fit bend down, no waste time – space dey front, if you no fit siddon, stand on the mandate or charter your own!
And, so, very quickly, this ‘One Chance Molue’ fills up with questionable characters, incompetents in the form of persons who suffer from verbal diarrhea, domestic violence abuser, obtuse individuals with stomach infrastructure, nail salon creators, election result manipulator/riggers, sycophantic dingbats, professional bum suckers – much like the ‘Obalende òlòshò’, alleged and proven criminals, and much more!
As I looked at the roll call of passengers, a ‘dirge’ surged in my thought – refrains from two of Rex Jim Lawson’s songs – ‘Sawa sawa sawale Ashawo, and Atùrù mùrù ebili gba aka nwa – Iworiwo’ (first, a signification of betrayal, second, the point that a sheep that births a ram is without an offspring)! Don’t ask me why!
The roll call reveals an inept leadership that does not understand that diplomacy is a strategic tool, not a ceremonial afterthought or a mandate place holder.
It further reiterates the sorry state of unbridled sycophancy that propels – hitherto thought intelligent persons to sign up for the dark underbelly of the ‘criminal enterprise’. One such individual argues that the appointment and service of ambassadors is the president’s prerogative — implying that such decisions rests entirely on the president’s whims or caprice. This is wrong!
This viewpoint misses a fundamental reality, i.e., it distorts the tenets and values of democratic governance. It overlooks the essential fact that the president (whether elected or selected) derives his authority from the people, and in governing or presiding, he is (ought to be) accountable to the people, and this includes, in shaping, deciding and executing foreign policy. Does BAT feel accountable to the people?
With the laments came the first set of list. It had three names for Ambassadorial positions, and the internet began buzzing. Then more names. With each addition, shock gave way to disbelief. One nominee in particular left me staring at my phone, unable to call the very sister with whom I had just wished for change. I feared, the old cliché: Be careful what you wish for – has come howling!
These nominees are not harmless missteps. They are signals that the administration either doesn’t care a hoot, remains indifferent to global standards, or, blind to diplomatic nuance, and resistant to the idea that foreign policy is not optional, but, existential. An administration that is best described in the local parlance – “ONE CHANCE”.
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As Tinubu continues to insult Nigerians
Tinubu and his piteous ambassador-nominees
As I went down the list, it became unmistakably clear that competence was the exception rather than the rule. Most of the nominees were mere extensions of the propaganda, truth-averse, bigoted, lying and corrupt machinery that stands on the BAT mandate. With only a palmful of exceptions, it was a reunion of BAT’s finest fabulists, enthusiastic amateurs, dynastical progenies, and dingbats of the underbelly. Frankly, a confirmation and make-up of the administration, i.e., one that operates without values and ethics – in one word, shameless!
As most Diasporans, our wish and lamentation about Nigeria’s governance (or lack thereof), brought the Amazon and I together, to discuss the manipulation and mismanagement, which has defied political experts’ classification.
While some say, a failed state, many – including this writer have come to describe the current administration as a “Manipulative, Incompetent, ‘selectively’ Clueless, and Corrupt” – with the acronym – MISC – pure Machiavellian – very similar to miscellaneous, that is, – a bunch of things – so odd, that, you do not expect them to bunch together.
But, the Aso Rocker specializes in choosing and bringing the worst out of some who, we would never have thought possible. Unlike King Midas, everything this rocker touches, manifests ‘one chance’! In any case, I was reminded that, ‘a snake births only long babies – its kind!’
Despite the apparent decline in the caliber of Ambassadors Nigeria has had in the last two decades, the embarrassing absence of representatives at such strategic places like the United Nations headquarters (both in New York and Geneva), the superpower countries, the African Union and a few other strategic countries (since 2023) signified the worst diplomatic decision and moment in Nigeria’s history.
With this, Nigeria not only exhibits that she lacked a foreign policy position, but appears to lack direction, too. It signals the ‘selective’ cluelessness in “MISC” – which has created a big gap in geopolitical reality.
Yes, we lamented because we realized that the gap between propaganda, lies and the reality of global geopolitics, did not bode well for Nigeria. Diplomatically, it was perilous and symbolically – farcical. After all, as a former colleague teased me, even small island nations (like Saint Lucia) with more chickens than people manage to appoint envoys including to Geneva? So, my Amazonian sister and I had a wish!
We wished a genuine attempt was made to improve diplomacy and foreign policy for Nigeria. With the recent listings, I am quick to admit, Sis, and I suffered temporary amnesia – as it appears we forgot what, where, and who we were dealing with.
Yet, all my Amazonian sister and I wanted was, ‘good’ for Nigeria.
One nominee’s background was so questionable that, momentarily, I checked whether the announcement was satire. It wasn’t. As I complained about this individual, my learned colleague shared additional list of thirty-two names, and it began to confirm our worst fears, i.e., we had truly boarded a ‘One Chance Molue’ – in the ‘criminal enterprise’ with Machiavellian at the wheels!
As I mulled over the names, characters and competencies, I realized we had entered a theater of the absurd. Not only did I think of the old saying, ‘Snakes do not birth but elongated babies’, the cliché, “Be careful what you wish for” truly began to haunt me.
King Midas asked for everything he touched to turn to gold. He got his wish and promptly starved. Nigeria’s situation appeared similar, except that, everything the administration touches turns into – a substance. Go figure which substance!
Our wish — was granted, yet I am too numbed to telephone my sister. How can I tell her that we may have ‘shot’ ourselves in the foot? How do I admit that, we, may have prayed and paved the pathway for the worst diplomatic chaos?
As noted earlier, these appointments are neither harmless errors nor lapses in judgment. It is a clear testament of an administration that is out of sync with global norms, and inattentive to the complexities of diplomacy. An administration that has chosen to overlook subtleties of statecraft by treating foreign policy as a luxury.
An administration that doesn’t understand that foreign policy is like the spinal vertebrae for governance and geopolitics. Similar to the body’s spinal vertebrae (that provides structural support, flexibility, balance, posture and a shock absorber for body weight), foreign policy and diplomacy is fundamental to a nation’s socio-political and economic security – including the elusive foreign direct investment.
I digress to say that this stormy situation has some similarity with the ‘guns-a-blazing.’ On one side, certain persons who described a candidate as a ‘con-man, nut-job, jackass, race-baiting, xenophobic and religious bigot, ended up in his partisan defense. And, on the other, we see those who vociferously described the administrator as a ‘Drug Lord’, a certificate forger, a corrupt, lying, incompetent, clueless leader, and ethnic bigot now standing in defense of him in exchange for ambassadorial position. A marked difference though is, on the ‘blazing’ side, the persons who cowed in, are verifiably competent and effective. Characteristics clearly absent with most individuals in the stormy group.
Through this ‘Tempest’, Shakespeare was right, politics do make strange bedfellows!
Consequently, I feel a sting, not of disappointment in Nigeria’s government, but, a sting of betrayal – betrayal of myself. For daring to hope that a structurally dysfunctional and sufficiently bigoted system could suddenly produce excellence. After all, Max Weber believed that bureaucracy, when properly organized, can uphold rational governance. Unfortunately, the BAT administration is one that operates on a sycophantic mandate devoid of rationality.
I must admit here, I feel the weight of the saying, that, “The ultimate betrayal is not when someone else lets you down, but when you let yourself down by betraying your own values.” Temporarily, I let my subconscious hope in something available indices do not support. I betrayed myself and it has left me stewing in anger!
Yet, in anger, I remembered yet another wise saying: ‘Let sleeping dogs lie’. Why didn’t my sister and I think of this? Apparently hit by temporary amnesia, we poked at a pregnant rabid dog, thereby unleashing rabid puppies, all foaming at the mouth with diplomatic leashes around their necks.
Yes, these appointments ought not to be surprising! They represent the continuing bureaucratic blunders from the administration. It is clear that, as snakes with long progenies, BAT is replicating an underbelly of minions and progenies of greed, corruption, sycophancy, division, attack dogs and bigots.
Consequently, when it comes to global geopolitics and standards, BAT wants us to believe he is either oblivious or simply uninterested in the nation’s image within the comity of nations. It seems BAT doesn’t care if the world is watching or notices what is happening in Nigeria. But the world does notice. After all, was it not ‘a guns-a-blazing’ threat that compelled this appointment nearly three years since assuming office?
In the final analysis, BAT forgets (perhaps indifferent) that, placing mere mannequins will not make a difference, as Nations are judged not by slogans but by competence and character of their representatives.
Unabashedly, I will admit, many of us wished for ambassadors, but, we didn’t bargain for the bad deal we got, individuals with little or no competency, absolutely no character, like the ‘Obalende Òlòshò – abusers, manipulators, election riggers, dingbats, and worse still, alleged and proven criminals!
It is a disgrace! Yet, not surprising!
This time, the clichés were right. Like the hard lesson King Midas teaches us, ‘be careful what to wish for’, especially in the criminal enterprise Nigeria – under an inept, corrupt and Machiavellian government.
As I admit this wrongful wish, what I know for sure is, if diplomacy is a bus with a mirror through which nations are seen and heard, Nigeria’s current bus feels like a “One Chance Molue” whose mirror is not only cracked, muddied, fogged, broken, but poorly framed.
I can only hope and pray that history will record this moment – as ‘a bad wish’, and hope that the worst is not yet to come!
