Mixed feelings oozed in the atmosphere, as the survivors of sexual abuse and domestic violence tell stories on what they went through and how they came through, assisted by Project Alert. Senior Correspondent, ONYEWUCHI OJINNAKA, captures the mood at the event.
Violence against women and girls occur in every country and culture. It is noted in social and cultural attitudes and norms that grant the male folk more privilege than the female. The abuse takes many forms, including intimate partner violence which can be called domestic or family violence; dating violence; sexual violence by strangers, acquaintances or partners; systematic rape during armed conflicts; forced prostitution; trafficking or other forms of sexual exploitation; female genital mutilation and other harmful traditional practices.
However, in some cases, it is the male that is on the receiving end, especially when the man is seen to be ‘weak’.
Both physical and sexual violence have been linked to a greater risk of adverse mental health outcomes among women. Victims and survivors of sexual and domestic violence face both immediate and chronic psychological consequences. While the victims perish with the consequences, survivors live to tell their harrowing experiences and forge ahead with their lives.
In the light of the above, it was a harvest of sympathetic but joyous tales as over 16 survivors of domestic violence and rape narrated their ordeals in an emotion-filled auditorium on the occasion of Project Alert’s triple 16 celebration held recently in Lagos.
It is an irony that for these survivors (all females), they live to tell their stories and experiences, unlike victims such as Titilayo Arowolo, a banker who was brutally stabbed to death by her husband, and Cynthia Osokogu, a 25-year-old post-graduate student of Nasarawa State University who was lured into a hotel in Festac area of Lagos State and strangled to death by her Facebook lover boy who invited her into the hotel. Osokogu’s suspected killers – Okumo Nwabufo, Olisaeloka Ezike, Orji Osita and Ezike Nonso – are standing trial before a Lagos High Court in Igbosere, for alleged conspiracy and murder.
These victims could not live to narrate their ordeals in the hands of their killers.
Out of the 16 survivors who were rescued through the intervention of Project Alert, a non-governmental human rights organisation set up in 1999 to promote and protect the rights of women and young girls, two survivors were raped while 14 survived from domestic violence.
Rape survivors
It was a pitiable and agonising moment for two of the rape survivors who introduced themselves simply as Onome and Emmanuella (for security reasons).
Giving account of how she was sexually-abused, Onome said she was raped and impregnated sometime in July 2004 when she was just 15 years old and in final year in secondary school by a man her father was accommodating in their home.
According to her, she lived with her father and two brothers, as her mother had separated from her father. When her father noticed the pregnancy, he did not believe her explanation that the man he brought into their home raped her.
“My father kicked me out, saying he did not want to have anything to do with me and that I was better off dead,” she stated.
She further said that her father screamed at her, alluding that she was the person that seduced the young man and not the other way round.
“I do not think my father ever forgave my mother for whatever she did that led to their separation, and in me, he always saw my mum.
“I roamed the street for two days with pregnancy until a Good Samaritan found me and brought me to Project Alert on Violence Against Women. I was offered shelter and registered for ante-natal in a private hospital by Project Alert,” Onome stressed.
Also narrating her sad experience, 20-year-old Emmanuella, who was seeking university admission but doing a small hamper business to earn a living, was subjected to forced oral sex by one Adebayo Adeojo who posed as a prospective buyer of her hampers. Adebayo disguised his name as Damola.
According to Emmanuella, ‘Damola’ invited her to an address in Surulere Lagos to negotiate business.
“I informed my roommates about my appointment and left to meet Damola at the appointed place and time with my album collection of hampers,” she narrated.
She recollected that she was a bit uncomfortable when she got to the flat which looked deserted except for children playing downstairs from whom she asked about the direction to the flat she was going to.
She submitted that after a close look at the album, Damola indicated the ones he was interested in, adding that she promised to get back to him on the list of items to be contained in the hamper and the cost.
“Surprisingly, as I got ready to leave and picked up my bag, he moved swiftly to the door, locked it and put off lights. I asked him what he was up to and brought out my phone to put on the light. He grabbed my phone and bag and said, ‘listen to me; look behind where you are sitting, there is a plugged iron. Outside the door are five boys who are waiting for my signal to come in and rape you till morning,” she narrated.
Emmanuella said she applied all manner of tricks to stop Damola from raping her, but he was undaunted and insisted on having sex with her.
“I told him I was HIV positive and that if he sleeps with me, he would be infected. I also told him that I was in my period. He asked me to remove my pants and seeing that I was in my period, he asked me to put my pants on and said: now you will have to give me a blow job (oral sex).”
It was after forcing her to oral sex that Damola allowed Emmanuella to go.
After dressing up, she staggered down the stairs and went straight to Bode Thomas Police Station to report her ordeal.
She pointed out that after much investigation and search, her assailant was eventually apprehended with the intervention and assistance of Project Alert and the National Human Rights Commission (NHRC).
Emmanuella is now a fulfilled person as her assulter has been apprehended. She wanted justice to be done and was happy that ‘Damola’ was picked and she had face-to-face interrogation with him at NHRC.
Having been counselled by Project Alert, Emmanuella has moved to another location and is currently a student of University of Lagos.
Domestic violence survivors
TheNiche gathered that survivors of domestic violence through the intervention of Project Alert are Rita, Omotola, Roselyn, Peace, Titi and Mercy.
Others include Gladys, Bolaji, Elizabeth, Regina, Endurance, Rosemary, Hadiza, Taiwo and Okiki Okechukwu whose four-year old daughter was defiled by a 29-year-old neighbour by name Hamzat Afeez.
Most of the survivors of domestic violence complained that they had incessant beatings from their husbands.
Omotola, who was married for 10 years, narrated how she was always beaten by her husband at the slightest provocation.
For Peace, her ordeal started after the death of her mother in-law who played a huge role in the relative calm she experienced in the early years of her marriage. After the death of her mother in-law, she became a punching bag for her husband and began to suffer all forms of violence – physical, verbal, emotional and psychological – at the hands of her husband.
Strangely enough for other women, their problem was their mothers-in-law.
The awardees
The occasion that gave rise to these survivors who gave testimonies of their lives was organised by Project Alert to commemorate this year’s 16 days of activism against gender based violence, 16 years of Project Alert advocating zero tolerance for all forms of violence against women, and acknowledging the courage of 16 outstanding females and families who decided to take action to end the violence in their lives.
As they refused to be silent, they are not only survivors but conquerors.
According to the executive director of Project Alert, Josephine Effah-Chukwuma, the occasion was also to celebrate the huge number of women and families that were assisted by Project Alert over the years, particularly 16 of them who refused to be silenced by fear and stigma; battered into submission by religion and culture and threatened by their families, communities and various state agencies. They are exceptional women, girls and families of courage; women who ordinarily would have been bent by their families, broken by culture and tradition, defeated and killed by impunity and in some cases, by poverty and ignorance.
Each of the 16 survivors was awarded by Project Alert.
Personalities that graced the occasion were Professor Ngozi Osarenren who delivered the keynote address, Dr. Maymunah Kadiri who also presented a paper entitled ‘Domestic and Sexual Abuse of Women: It’s Psychological Consequences’. Other dignitaries include the Divisional Police Officer (DPO), Festac, Chief Superintendent of Police (CSP) Monday Agbonika and Olawale Abiola.