Dear Tinu,
I am a 29-year-old educated lady dating a 31-year-old semi-illiterate. As this is a great concern for me, my guy says he wants to further his education but doesn’t have the money to do so. Lack of funds was the major reason he didn’t go further after secondary school.
I am currently working as an accountant and putting funds together for my Institute of Chatered Accountants of Nigeria (ICAN) examination. My boyfriend knows I have a savings for this. He had asked me once if he could use the money to pay through his university education, to be at par with me, and then we can both save for my ICAN tutorials and examinations.
He has assured me that we will get married once he graduates and then join forces to pay for my professional exams. He wants me to support his schooling fully. I have been resisting this, but I fear I might just give in to him. He keeps saying I will not hesitate to do this if I truly love him. What do you think I should do please? I am at my wits end.
Janet.
Dear Janet,
Let me start by letting you know that love is not envious or manipulative. Love gives and gives. Love doesn’t take forcibly. It sounds like your boyfriend is envious of you. For him to suggest that you give him the funds you have obviously saved for yourself is manipulative. That should not be a yardstick for him to know if you love him or not.
Remember, you are not married to him yet. And you may never get married (sorry, but that’s the hard truth). Until you exchange vows at the altar, you are not married. I will advise that if you want to help him, make sure that your own dreams are being pursued too. Do not put your dreams and goals aside for any man. You stand a great chance of being disappointed.
Helping him, you can. But do it because you want to; not because you are expecting him to marry you. Love should not be bought. Don’t buy yours, so you don’t regret it in future. You must realise that you are better than this. Do not allow yourself to be manipulated and robbed of your dignity. I suspect that will be the very end of all this. May God send you help from above.
