Dear Agatha
I so much appreciate how you solve people’s problems. It is only God that will reward you.
I am seriously in love with a girl that has a fiance she told me about from the beginning. I still decided to pursue my relationship with her because of the love I have for her. But I am increasingly becoming jealous of the other man in her life, especially as he has proposed to her. She told me she has accepted his proposal. The whole thing is too emotional for me to handle.
Although I have made up my mind to forget everything about her and the man, I am finding it very difficult standing by that decision. No girl seems to have the power to attract my attention.
Agatha, I need your help, because any time I see her, I feel like dying.
Emey.
Dear Emey
You are the architect of your present predicament. Why on earth would you still go ahead with a woman who confessed having another man in her life?
Try putting yourself in the other man’s position. How would you feel if she were your fiancee?
What you did wasn’t right. Though the girl’s conduct calls to question her moral values and ability to keep faith with her man, the fact remains that you shouldn’t have encouraged her to be unfaithful, knowing that a woman you fall in love with is also capable of treating your love with similar disdain.
What goes around always have a way of coming around! Relationship should be premised on faithfulness and loyalty to one’s partner, no matter the condition. Edging her on to break her oath of allegiance to her man due to your own selfish reasons has its drawback and could also creep in on you when you are most happy. Would you have still insisted she dated you if they were legally married?
So why didn’t you allow her be when she told you about her man? If you had, you would have since found that special woman to give you the type of happiness you want. What you have done to yourself is to waste precious time on a woman who doesn’t understand the complete essence of being in love and having a relationship.
Deep inside you, is that the type of woman you really want? One you are not sure would be faithful to you; who could be having an affair behind your back? Look deeper, is she really worth your tears and pains? Is she really the type of woman capable of making you happy? Would you at the end have been happy being with her?
So it isn’t just a matter of you finding the right kind of woman, but also that of knowing precisely what you want in life.
Sincerely, your desire for a woman is still premature. Until you sit back to study your own needs, your desires for yourself as well as the type of woman to help you attain such dreams, you may end up again with the wrong kind of woman.
Relationship is like writing an examination. Only adequate and intelligent investment of time in preparation can produce the right kind of results. Without you first helping to point yourself in the right direction to go, you risk coming up with a choice that would further disillusion you about love altogether.
You took a gamble on love and it failed you. Despite the propriety of the merits of your relationship with her, you must be hurting from all these, and seeing her often with the other man would for now bring back painful memories of your loss. Move away, even if temporarily, from the environment you both shared. One of the greatest emotions to handle in life is that of love gone sour. The pains are always deep, sharp and enduring.
You need the help of another kind of love, those of your loved ones to help neutralise the pains of today. Seeing her and mourning the love you would have shared with her may make it difficult for you to focus on yourself and another woman.
However, it is important you beg for forgiveness from God to avert the greater pains of another man doing what you did to this other man.
That man may not have been aware of your relationship with his woman, but God is.
