“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” (Jer 17:9)
The reason we engage hired help in the home is because we need good support system to balance both work and home. However, while getting a good support system is the key to successful good work-life balance, they don’t come cheap anymore. And they are craftier than ever now.
Gone are the days when a woman only hoped to be a housewife. In an era where women are presidents of countries, chief executive officers etc, a woman’s purpose in life is more than getting married, having babies and being a housewife.
And in order to fulfil one’s purpose and be able to juggle being a wife, mother and career woman, hired helps are necessary in the home. As a wife, mother and career executive who has, by the grace of God, raised three children for the past 18 years, I have had my fair share of hired helps (still rely on some) and I believe it is important that we all understand the following rules in acquiring one.
A) Know your source: Hiring a help through online services or walk-ins is a no no. It is obvious that you will only rely on the information they give you, which is dangerous. Working with the references given to you at that point may not be reliable, as they are probably contacts set up to “convince” you to let down your guard.
B) Knowing the source and trusting the source are two different things: While it is good to know your source and have someone to identify the hired help with, it is not enough reason to completely entrust your home and children to the hired help. Hired help agents are in a business to make a profit. Many do not profile their house helps well because profiling costs money which they are out to make and not lose. Think of how much you discover of yourself daily and you will realise that the agent is also evolving too and may not be able to guarantee the actions of the hired help.
C) Balance of skill: There are basically two types of hired help – the ones with no skills (who will test your patience with their sluggish and annoying attitude and the skilful ones (who are so crafty that they are crooks). You take your pick. Unfortunately, by the time you train the unskilful ones to a level that they will begin to serve you, they leave on the usual pretext of a “death in the family”. A hired help that is too “IT savvy” is too psychedelic for you anyway. What you need is someone to help you with housework not a contender for your role as a wife. Balance is the key.
D) Do not make assumptions: Conduct a proper interview. Ask questions. Note body language. Medical checkup (AIDS, Hepatitis B, pregnancy). Check personal effects and, if possible, log them. To check/establish control and obedience, introduce “your way” of doing things early and watch if the hired help will conform. Do not “change” to your hired help’s way of doing things because you are afraid they will leave. You risk losing control and doing most of the work yourself that way. Remember, “he who pays the piper calls the tune”.
E) Emotional attachment: Put a check on your emotions. No one stays forever. Even your children will leave someday; so why not the hired help. Remember, they are “hired”, which implies their stay is time-bound. They will leave someday, even if you do not have a written contract to that effect. Survey has shown that most people have an idea of how long they intend to stay at a job, even before they start the job. These timing decisions may change due to change in circumstances. However, with all things being equal, when it’s time to leave, they leave. While you or your children may be emotionally attached and you try to cajole or keep the help with financial tricks, they will usually insist on leaving when it’s time for them to leave.
F) Neglecting of responsibilities: Yes, they are the “help” hired to support you, and not take over. Do not neglect your responsibilities. Ensure that you do not leave your kids alone in the car with the driver or in the home with the house help. If you are a career person, take your children to a creche or after-school! That’s why they have been set up.
Do not keep your children in the home all day with your nanny or house help (something you dread doing yourself). Bathing and feeding of your children should be monitored by you. The hired help is just there to help. There have been stories of the hired help sexually, physically and emotionally assaulting children. There have also been stories of hired help “helping” the Madam with her husband, with a few taking over completely. Don’t be a victim.
G) Create boundaries: No matter how level-headed, sympathetic a hired help may be, do not involve them in your personal matters. They are not your “listening ear” or “sympathetic ear”. Nor are they your “prayer partner” and/or “spiritual support”. Keep the hired help out of your personal business. While they may sometimes witness situations in your home that you will rather no one knew about, do not encourage conversation or comments from them because this erodes respect for you.
H) Good neighbourliness: Be friendly with your neighbours because they “see” a lot you don’t and may not be obliged to tell you if you are unfriendly. Being friendly with your neighbours is not necessarily meeting each other outside for drinks or visiting each other’s homes. It may just simply be greeting and acknowledging one whenever you meet. Same treatment should be accorded to the security team around the house or estate. There have been stories of nannies, drivers being stopped and queried by neighbours or security guards around the home, thereby saving a disaster.
I) Humane treatment: As much as possible, it is important to attend to the needs of those we entrust our children to. They are humans who have emotional, financial needs. Not everything is about money. Whatever we can give to them to make their lives better, do it willingly. Remember, whatever love/hate you give them will be multiplied and transferred to your kids in your absence.
Finally, although the list is inexhaustible, it is very important to prayerfully engage a hired help. Never underestimate the power of prayer. It’s what comes to play when a hired help leaves or is “suddenly” exposed by you discovering an information regarding the help. May God help us all as we balance our homes.
