In a long term relationship, partners get too familiar with each other. This is a good sign, because it shows you are compatible. But then the familiarity might make you to start taking some basic things for granted; such as the way you speak to your partner, without thinking it through to see if it will hurt their feelings or not. Not taking cognisance of your partner’s feelings, especially with things you say to them might destroy your relationship. So before you start to be too familiar with her, it is advisable to take note of the following things that may destroy your relationship:
1. Don’t tell her she is getting fat
Use this sentence instead: “Darling, you might feel healthier losing a bit of weight.” Here, you have avoided the risk of making her feel bad, and her thinking that maybe you do not like her anymore. The replacement sentence will show her that you want the best for her, and you’ve given her the full opportunity to take charge of her decision and you are not at all controlling.
2. Don’t compare her to your mum
Men usually have this soft spot for their mothers, and they tend to see their mum as the epitome womanhood. You need to remember that everyone came from different family bachgrounds, and we all have different ways of doing things. When you try to make your partner do things like your mother, you will only cause trouble. What you need to do is just tell her stories about your mother, how you were raised, and how things are done in your family, with the hope for her to adapt, as well as you adapting to her ways of life too.
3. Don’t criticise her when she is trying to do her best
Everyone needs a word of encouragement, pat on the back, a show of appreciation. If she is not getting things done up to your standard; but it’s evident that she is trying her best at getting it right, rather than criticise her or put out what it is she is not doing right, appreciate her instead, and give her a helping hand.
4. Never tell her if your family doesn’t like her
Even if your family dislikes her, it is better not to tell her because she will get angry and insecure. This will create future problems and tension between her and your family. All you can do is to let your family know that she is the one you have chosen and they have to respect your decision. Try to make them change their minds about her.
5. Don’t remind her about your ex at a special moment
Never ever compare your dating nights or things you do together with the ones you had done with your ex. It might happen that you go with her to places where you have been with your ex, don’t remind her about this. It is a hurtful thing for her to see that you are still thinking about your ex.
6. Never make her feel you prefer football to her
Don’t ignore her presence while you are watching your football game, especially when she’s calling for your attention. It is even advisable to pretend you are listening to her, rather than completely blanking her out.
7. Don’t tell her that you hate her friends
If you don’t like her friends, just pretend you do, to save yourself some trouble. Due to the fact that she has known her friends for a long time, even before meeting you, you not liking them and also saying it might make her angry and on the defensive.
8. Don’t ask her to relax when she is very angry
Telling her to relax when she is angry, upset or scared will simply make her feel that you are not being considerate of her feeling at that very moment, or you don’t understand the extent of her feeling.
9. Don’t tell her that you are insecure
In a relationship, women are looking for secure and confident men. Therefore, you should keep your insecurity on check; don’t get jealous if she gets a better salary than you.
10. Don’t declare your love during a fight
Saying “I love you” to your partner during a fight is a very wrong choice of sentence at that moment. Reason: she feels you are declaring your love for her just because you feel guilty and you want her forgiveness, not really because you love her. She thinks, if you love her, you wouldn’t have upset her. It is best you declare your love after the fight is over, so that she can see your genuineness.
