Dear Tinu,
I am an unhappy married man in my early 30s. I have been married for just two years, but I didn’t realise marriage could be so terrible. I admit, I made a mistake marrying my wife. My family and friends warned me against this marriage; so I have no one to blame but myself.
You see, my wife and I come from totally different backgrounds. While I am from a middle class home, my wife grew up in the slums and had to struggle for survival. My mother-in-law has the reputation of being the toughest woman in their neighbourhood. No one dares cross her path. She has unfortunately transferred this behaviour to her daughter. My wife is always spoiling for a fight. Every argument must end up with abuses and curses. Whenever I report her to her parents, my father-in-law (who has been greatly subdued) would say I could see she took after her mother, while my mother-in-law tells me to learn how to manage her daughter; after all she hasn’t slapped me yet.
The main problem is that my wife slapped me during our last argument. I am terrified of her right now because I don’t know what else she will do. There is no one to report her to because she fears no one. I am tired of this marriage. Please help.
Mr. P.
Dear Mr. P,
In all you have written, you have not mentioned the word, love. I think the unfortunate thing is that you married someone you did not love. You see, love covers a multitude of sins. You wrote that you were warned before you married her, but you insisted. I guess whatever made you ignore all the advice and insist on marrying your wife will keep you going.
Marriage is for keeps; so I suggest that you should listen to your mother-in-law and learn how to manage your wife. You were not forced into the marriage and there was no pretense on your wife’s part before marriage; so it will be very difficult (if not impossible) for your wife to change now.
You may also sit with your father-in-law for words of wisdom to enable you find out how he has been able to live with your mother-in-law. Stop looking at the negative traits of your wife and look for something good about her that you can hold onto.
Someone once said: “The one who loves you will never leave you because even if there are 100 reasons to give up, he will find one reason to hold on.” So, my dear, look for a reason to hold on. Wish you all the best.
