Dear Agatha
I have been married for more than 20 years to a man I thought I knew and trusted with my entire heart until the day I found out that he has been cheating on me for a decade.
The affair with the other woman has even produced two children; a set of twins. To make matters worse, the woman turned out to be my best friend I shared everything with, including the challenges in my home.
Agatha, as gullible as I have been, I was privy to her pregnancy and encouraged her in the relationship she said she was in.
She told me he was married and that they didn’t plan for children in their relationship and that since she was getting old, she decided to get pregnant not withstanding his objections.
When she was pregnant with the twins; she would come to my house and sleep because it was a very trying period for her. I stood by her throughout and even agreed to her suggestions that the naming ceremony be done in our house to cover her shame as she put it.
It was my husband who gave the children the names they answer to date.
Looking back, I feel like the worst fool on earth. I also recall that my mother-in-law was very angry with me for allowing such an event in my home and ordered my friend out of the house a day after the ceremony, with a warning never to return.
I was angry with my mother-in-law for her actions but she told me that I would understand one day.
Until she died, she refused to talk to my husband and begged me on her death bed never to pack out of my home, no matter what.
My sisters-in-law too, for reasons I didn’t know then, refused to have anything to do with my husband and kept warning me against the betrayal of friends.
As a matter of fact, it was even the youngest one of them that told me about my husband’s betrayal.
I had gone to celebrate the 10th birthday of the twins with my friend when she called me to know where I was. When I told her, she couldn’t stop her burst of anger at my refusal to terminate the relationship with my so called friend.
It was then she told me that the twins were my husband’s children and that my friend has been sleeping with my husband all these years.
It was as if I was in a dream when I confronted my friend and she confirmed it, saying it was the reason she insisted on the naming ceremony taking place in my home and why she allows the children to visit as frequently as possible so as to be with their father.
She warned me in my interest not to attempt anything or else I won’t live to tell the story.
Only God can tell how I drove myself home that day. My husband too didn’t bother to deny it, but kept begging me to forgive him; that he didn’t know how the relationship started and that he has been trying to get out of it to no avail.
Knowing how vast my friend is when it comes to visiting native doctors and spiritual homes, I knew my husband could be under a spell.
It was after this that my in-laws explained their attitude to me and why they kept warning me to terminate my relationship with her.
When my husband went to her to end the relationship, she came to my house to threaten him that since he has decided to stay with me, both of us will never enjoy the marriage again.
That very night, my husband started bedwetting. First it was just in the night but it has graduated to day time. I don’t know what to do anymore as we have tried all the hospitals. The more medications he takes, the worse he gets.
The real problem now is that following the suggestions of my eldest sister-in-law we took him to one of the prayer mountains, where it was revealed that my friend was behind the problem. But the solution they proffered is the reason I’m writing you. According to them, she and my husband during sex took an oath never to leave each other and that bedwetting would be the lot of the one who walks away.
According to the prophet, I should go and beg her to forgive my husband and pretend to permit them to continue with the relationship to enable my husband use the same means to break the curse with the anointing oil they would prepare for him and return her curse to her.
Two other pastors have told me the same thing and I have also seen it in my dreams.
After seeing it in my dream, I went to her to beg her to forgive me, she beat me up and drove me out of her house with a stern warning never to come to her place again.
This is why I need your help. How do I get her to even listen to me?
Deola.
Dear Deola
You shouldn’t have gone on your own. This is a very delicate matter, one that requires the wisdom of elders to navigate. Going there on your own will only complicate issues between the two of you.
Do not forget that even before you approached her, she knew your reasons for wanting to make peace with her. This is not something you do with the flesh. This is one battle you have to entrust to God through prayers and fasting to accomplish.
Paul wrote in Ephesians 6:12: “We wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against powers and wickedness in high places.”
Therefore, you need to entrench yourself in the Word and presence of God to defeat this problem in your marriage. This is because you have given her, through your friendship, all the weapons to attack you.
She has more knowledge of you, more than you do of her. This is a battle that has taken her years to plan and execute. As such, it would be very naïve on your part to think mere telling her you are sorry would end it.
Though your husband has done the unpardonable, your complete forgiveness is required for God to step in.
You cannot enlist the help of God with grudges in your heart due to your husband’s betrayal. Painful as it is, it is a precondition for God to be involved in your battles.
You must also find it in your heart to let go of whatever hatred you have for this friend. Since you cannot fight her on your own, why not free yourself of whatever hatred you have in your heart by handing her completely to God who has the powers to do and undo in the affairs of men?
Before you go to her the next time, fast and pray first. After that, enlist the help of your pastors and some elders in the family, including your eldest sister-in-law, to accompany you to her house.
Since you both have been friends for a while, you must know the things she cannot resist; buy her those things as presents to soften her mind. Ensure you also get things for her children.
You have to possess the wisdom of a serpent to defeat someone like her, so massage her ego by going on your knees to beg her in the presence of your entourage for her forgiveness. The important thing is her agreeing to do what you came for.
Once she agrees, on the day your husband is going to her, ensure you are also in the Spirit to ensure success.
Once that is done, you can get angry with him as much as possible, but not before you accomplish victory for him through your prayers of intercession.
God will give you the strength to succeed.
Good luck.
