“For as he thinks in his heart, so is he” Proverbs 23:7
Many people do not realise they have the ability to choose what they think. Our thoughts have a lot to do with our perspectives and attitudes. It will surprise you to know that one of the biggest secrets to finding and keeping a good life partner actually boils down to your thought process, and not just what you do.
Take this scenario, for example – A man in his 40s, single, with usual routine of waking up in the morning at his posh apartment on Victoria Island. He leaves his expensive house, gets into his sports car and drives to his successful engineering business. After work, he goes to the Ikoyi Club on his way home, exercises, plays snooker or golf. Often, women look his way and are friendly towards him. Yet, he never dated for months on end, he finds it absolutely difficult to get involved with anyone and start a relationship.
From the above scenario, there appears to be nothing whatsoever wrong with this guy, and he seems to have it all together. He is old enough to be in a relationship, and he is financially stable too. So there is nothing physically causing his problem. Any problem he seems to having regarding relationships is all in his mind.
One of the reasons for this man’s relationship difficulty may be as a result of past experiences. Digging deeper, it will be discovered that he probably was in a painful relationship, where he had been rejected by someone dear to him, maybe his parents or partner. This feeling of rejection could lead him to believe that no one would ever love him again, because he was not worth it. Such feeling brings many other negative thoughts; it makes one become very judgemental, suspicious, hopeless, with the thought that no one is out there interested in you.
Even after counselling, reading lots of inspirational books, and actually taking bold steps to start meeting people in getting a potential spouse, the relapse still occurs. This feeling of worthlessness gets worse. This is simply because the mind is not set right just yet. “The mind is everything; what you think you become” (Buddha).
When your mind is not set right, you find out that even after taking the bold step at meeting that potential spouse, you get involved with the wrong kind of people, you get attracted to the wrong person, or the wrong sets of people get attracted to you. All because deep down, you still had that limiting attitude, you feel fortunate to get anyone at all that wanted to be with you. You settle for less, practically because you believe that is the best you could achieve, and had to accept all sorts to actually have anyone in your life at all.
To move forward, you need to realise you have a choice, let go of your past and embrace the ‘now’ and the ‘future’ to come. This will take time, but you have to be willing to forge ahead. Accept that you are okay, and a lot of women could do far worse than to be in a relationship with you. Also, understand that there are actually many thousands of potential partners for you.
As soon as you start believing in yourself, things will change for better. Your mind will accept that anything is possible, and nothing could stand in the way of a strong enough belief.
In conclusion, imagine it, be positive, believe it, and see what happens.
