By Tina Kanu
Women have a crucial role to play in marriage even though the man is the head.
“The hand that rocks the cradle rule the world,” says the renowned marriage counsellor, Beverly Lahaye.
There is also another famous saying that behind every great man, there is a wonderful woman.
After a careful study on the role a woman plays in marriage, I concluded that women are the strong neck that holds the head.
It is impossible for the head to stand strong and straight without the neck. So a woman is a vital part of a man that makes him fulfilled and complete.
God created woman from man’s ribs (Genesis 2:21-22). She is not less or greater but a part that complements man’s efforts.
It is the duty of a woman to submit to her husband. Submitting to your husband as the head is a Scriptural principle. It is to be carried into our daily life and practice.
A Godly wife is totally submissive to her husband regardless of the liberation advocacy canvassed by women.
As a Godly wife, you must know that anything that departs from God’s design is not right.
Submitting to higher authority is one of God’s principles of marriage and adhering to it is acknowledging that God has placed your husband above you to be your spiritual covering and protection and not as a superior person.
A woman must know that submission does not mean she is owned and operated by her husband but that her husband as a leader will help her develop her God-given gift and great potential.
I have personally discovered that my husband knows more about my potential than I do, and most of my outstanding achievements were only possible because he encouraged me to make the right moves.
From God’s perspective, true submission is not reluctant, is not grudgingly, not as a result of imposed authority but an act of honour to God as you voluntarily respond to your husband.
We must see Jesus Christ as our role model in this regard as Paul advised. Jesus Christ gave up every height He had and submitted totally to the Father; He didn’t lose His identity.
There must be orderliness in marriage.
The world’s principle encourages a woman to insist on her right even though she may lose in the end.
God’s principles are humility and submission. Marriage is more enjoyable and sweet when you as a woman submit to your husband.
Women who feel they are more “successful” than their husband tend to rub shoulders with their husband. They feel since they are more “successful” – may be, financially – there is no point allowing the man to be in charge.
They lose respect for their husband. They never think of working together as a team and build each other up.
Women must know that in spite of their great achievements, God’s principle must be given first place in marriage.
The wife must not ignore her role as a helpmate and that it is her job to assist her husband in the best way she can wherever there is a shortcoming on the man’s part.
Some find their husband slow and not meeting their needs and want to overstep their boundaries by taking over the leadership role.
There is nothing wrong if a woman complements her husband’s efforts.
But God said it is not good for the man to be alone, I will make him a helpmate suitable for him (Genesis 2:18). So as a Godly wife, make yourself a suitable helpmate for your husband as God intended.
By now we may be saying, it is easier said than done but don’t forget I am a woman.
I know how difficult it is to live with some men. In fact, it takes only the grace of God to live with some men I hear women talk about. But nothing is impossible with God.
You can win your husband with God’s love if you are determined to love him because of God.
How will a wife submit to her husband?
First, she should allow her husband make the final decision on issues even if she is designed by God to see things in a more meaningful way than her husband.
She must present her ideas with a submissive spirit and allow her husband decide the best way to implement them.
A woman may wonder what to do if she feels her husband needs her advice on an important issue but declines to ask for it.
Selwyn Hughs, a respected marriage counselor, advices we go ahead and give it but in the spirit of Proverbs 31:26.
The Bible says a virtuous woman opens her mouth with wisdom and her tongue is the law of kindness.
Second, bridle your tongue. There is time for everything and this is not better practised than in marriage. There is a time to speak and a time to be quiet.
As Stormie Omartian said, happy is the man whose wife can discern between the two.
If you need to say something, don’t just throw it out, pray for God’s leading as seen in Esther 4:19 and in chapter 5.
Esther prayed and fasted and waited for God’s timing before approaching her husband, the king, on a very important issue. She prayed first and ministered to the king in love and allowed God to turn her husband’s heart in her favour.
Don’t be rash with your tongue. Don’t use it to destroy your husband’s self-image and confidence. Let God use your tongue to build and bless your marriage.
Third, respect your husband. God requires husbands to love their wives and wives to respect their husbands (Ephesians 5:33). Ordinarily, no woman marries a man she doesn’t love, so why lose respect for your husband after a while in marriage.
Some think the way to a man’s heart is food. Some say a man’s greatest desire from his wife is sex. But I say it is respect.
Losing respect for your husband comes with consequences. When you consider what happened to David’s wife, Michal (2 Samuel 6:16), you realise God’s view on a disrespectful wife.
No matter the situation, understand it from God’s view point. In Esther 1:9-19, Vashti also lost her crown and place as the queen of her husband’s heart due to her refusal to honour him.
So, unless as a wife you want to lose your position as the queen of your husband’s heart, you must not disrespect or humiliate him.
Finally, as a wife, positively influence your husband. Karol Hadd wrote that wives were created by God for a significant plan and purpose. In the Genesis account of creation, creation was not complete until the woman came into the scene.
This means wives have a powerful place in the world. As a wife, you must not use the power selfishly or negatively; rather use it to turn the world around positively. This power of influence helps a wife become a crown to her husband or a thorn.
Proverb 12:14 says a virtuous woman is a crown to her husband, but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.
You can choose to be a joy giver or a joy taker – the choice is yours.
I want to close this topic with Proverbs 31 where the Bible says a woman contributes to her husband’s reputation and speaks wisely and kindly to other people.
This is a great attribute of a Godly wife. She speaks with wisdom rather than mere emotion.
She does not rely on charm and beauty but knows the fear of the Lord is what is most attractive. Her husband loves her because she does him good and not evil.
So as a Godly wife, ask God to open your eyes to areas where you have consciously or unconsciously taken the leadership role in your marriage, then reverse by transferring to your husband his responsibility.
God had you and your husband’s interest in mind when he placed him as head over you.
Marriage will be sweeter and more enjoyable if we as wives recognise that our role is to be a gift of God to our husbands, a crown, a blessing, and a prize to complement them.
Shalom.
