If this has been the fate of women since time immemorial without society disapproving, why then is JJC being excessively lambasted by men for moving in with Funke?
By Zikora Ibeh
Away from the banter, the real tragedy is that we are all victims of rotten social systems, ideas, and values that thrive on disempowering one half of the society to massage the ego of the other half.
This is the reason why the subject of contention as regards Abdulrasheed Bello popularly known as JJC Skillz’s announcement of the breakdown of his marriage with star actress, Funke Akindele has largely focused on the fact that his now ex-wife, asked him to move out of the house they once shared together once it became clear the union couldnโt be salvaged, and he did.
This information which I consider trivial when you stop to dispassionately consider that JJC and Funke are both superstars in their own rights, and whilst together, built a portfolio of cherished memories, resources, fanbase, and network that were not affected by โโwho moved in with whoโโ, has continued to generate a buzz on social media.
On one end of the spectrum are women folk who feel totally empowered by Funkeโs eviction notice to JJC and consider it a big win for women and wives who have always been the victims of arbitrary and absolute dismissal from their marital homes by men and husbands hung on power trips and male privilege.
On the other end of the spectrum, are thoroughly embarrassed men who consider the situation a big setback and shame on the collective aspiration, aggressive masculinity, identity, and narrative of all alpha males, a term increasingly used to define a man with outmoded ideas on how a man and woman relationship should function.
Of particular interest are the absurd arguments by a substantial population of alpha males who have continued to criticize and berate JJC for moving into his ex-wifeโs home. According to these people, a real man never moves into the house of a woman regardless of his station in life.
For instance, if a man is living in a fowl cage and his wife-to-be lives in a house built with blocks, the best thing to do in the event of an imminent marriage will be for the couple to discard the womanโs liveable residence in favour of the man’s animalโs cage as that is the only way to ensure the womanโs respect for the man.
Keep in mind that despite the new school of men who are tired of ladies requesting urgent 2k from them, JJCโs palava has since seen these same men discard their progressive thoughts on the need for women to achieve self-sustainability to advise upcoming and established alpha males to avoid getting into any romantic situation with a more wealthy and socially placed woman.
The worse of them is for men to never ever stoop to the position of being a wife, an instruction which more than anything, exposes the gloomy picture and second-class status of women and wives in Nigeria.
So, what is wrong with being a wife?
Every other day, women shed their identities, and relocate many miles away from familiar locations to forge a whole new future with their husbands and nobody considers this abnormal. In many instances, accomplished women who had careers in the making long before their husbands hit the scene are treated as though their own identities are not sufficient without referral to the men in their lives.
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If this has been the fate of women since time immemorial without society disapproving, why then is JJC being excessively lambasted by men for moving in with Funke?
Is it because beneath all the noise is a terrible fear that our society has unlocked a new era, an age that is set to smash & challenge all the convenient dichotomies invented by the old order to perpetuate stereotypical gender roles and reinforce the oppression of women?
If this isnโt the case, why is it a big deal that JJC moved out of Funkeโs house, a house to which I dare say she owns the title deeds based on information available to the public?
Some women even asked Nigerians to applaud JJCโs gentlemanliness as the typical Nigerian marital conflict would have seen Funke thrown out of her own house instead. Ofcourse this is true, but it is a truth whose roots are watered and sustained by agelong discriminatory social systems that dismiss the rights of women to identification, wealth, inheritance, and self-determination which we must consciously challenge and dismantle.
These unjust systems work effectively to disempower women from shared prosperity which is why many women and wives are viewed and treated as chattels.
Hopefully, we will one day awaken to the concept of marriage as a union of equal partnership, where both partners retain an equal voice and are free from retrogressive ideas of superiority and inferiority complexes, including oppressive values that feed on our human differences and vulnerabilities. And when conflict happens which is an integral part of human relationships including marriage, partners will either reach a healthy resolution or dissolution without one party (the wife) holding the short end of the stick as is often the case here.
Zikora is a human rights activist. She writes from Lagos
