• Continued from last edition.
Why was the marriage of Uriah and Bathsheba not working?
The marriage was against the will of God. Uriah was a Hittite while Bathsheba was a Jew. God had told the Jews specifically not to marry the Canaanites (Deut. 7:1-4). If you marry against God’s will, then you are bound to have problems
They were from different backgrounds. Bathsheba was a princess of Israel while Uriah was a Hittite. You may be spiritually compatible, but you may have different backgrounds; different families, different friends and different attitudes to life.
We need to understand who we really are and what our backgrounds are.
They had different visions. Uriah had a vision to serve king and country, but Bathsheba was a woman in love with her own body and in displaying her assets. A lot of couples live completely separate lives. There are also changing attitudes and changing circumstances in a marriage which some couples do not address.
They did not have children. Childlessness can be a source of stress in a marriage.
Their sex life was poor. There is no where it is written that Uriah went to sleep with his wife. Sex can be a problem, whether it is too much or too little.
A lack of understanding of what marriage is about. A lot of people go into marriages with storybook ideas. We need to understand the whole concept of marriage.
Presence of extra-marital affairs. The presence of extra-marital affairs automatically destroys the marriage. What the Bible says is that a man must love his wife as his own body. That means total and unconditional love.
Some basic principles for a successful marriage
Before you go into marriage, the following principles must be in place:
Maturity on the part of the partners. There is a depth of maturity regarding a marriage. Before Eve came, Adam was already a man and not a boy. Marriage is for a fully-grown and mature man and not for boys. It for a fully-grown and mature woman not for girls.
The partners must be filled with the breath of God. The man must be alive and filled with the breath of God to be able to successfully marry (Genesis 2:7). Adam received the breath of God and became a living soul. The man must be living, which means that he is born again.
Lots of relationships outside Christianity are based on the wrong foundation and are not really working the way they should. If a man/woman is not truly born again or does not understand God, they cannot truly understand or appreciate marriage.
Resources needed to sustain the relationship must be in place. Adam was already in Eden before Eve joined him. Everything you need to sustain a relationship must be available within the relationship and not far from it. A relationship should not be expensive.
There is bound to be conflict if a relationship is too expensive, or if you have to go far outside of it to get things to sustain the relationship. You must be able to operate within your limits. Please avoid “high maintenance” relationship, except you are very rich.
A lot of marriages or relationships are based on financial considerations. I know boys who look out for high-class society ladies, and girls who date a man because of the size of his wallet. For some women, the more money spent the deeper the love. This is not necessarily so.
I pray, however, that you will not marry a miser. Men should learn to be generous to their wives with what they have.
Women should also ensure that a man has the following in place before he gets married:
Home: A man must have his own place. It could be just a room or even a small flat; but it should be his or one on which he is the one paying the rent. A serious relationship needs a home that the man is responsible for. Couples living with parents can be very stressful.
Job: Adam had a job. A man must be doing something productive for God and humanity, and have a purpose and a vision.
God’s instruction: Genesis 2:16 says, “the Lord commanded”. You must be under the instruction of God to be able to successfully manage your marriage. Be ready to listen to God. Adam and Eve’s disobedience of God’s instruction led to the first marital breakdown, quarrel, loss of face and dignity. The devil will always test the relationship, so we all need to be watchful.
Knowledge of survival: A man should have received the instructions for survival. The Lord told Adam not to eat of a certain tree. It means that every man needs to know what he needs to do to survive in life. A man who cannot survive cannot successfully manage a marriage.
Vision: The man should have a vision. Do not get involved with a man who does not know where he is going or is unable to tell you where he is going or a woman who does not know what she wants.
In any relationship, you must be ready to see the faults, accept them, make excuses for them and move on. Learn to love and love deeply. How many are ready to be there always in good or bad, rough or easy, tough or smooth conditions? How many are living with imagination rather than dealing with reality?
A relationship is not for sex; it is not for pride or exhibition, or to prove oneself. It is far more than that. A relationship is for the completion of an established man or woman. You see, marriage is a covenant till death. What they say is “till death do us part”. If it is so dangerous, then a decision concerning it should not be taken lightly.
Everyone has a right to happiness and marriage can be a great source of happiness if done right. It is my prayer that the Lord will make us of quick understanding and enable us to do the right thing and do things right.
