By Tina Kanu
The institution of marriage has changed so much in the 21st century, up to the point where it no longer reflects the intention of God.
The existence of marriage is being constantly challenged by people’s view of marriage.
Some people view it as something of convenience. Some psychologists and marriage counselors see it as a sort of contract.
The confusion in our society today about the true meaning and purpose of marriage is negatively reflected in homes, and with this confusion, the real purpose of marriage has been lost.
A lot of people, even some believers, encounter so many problems in their marriage which lead to unhappy homes. Many in this group see divorce as the only solution.
Some say things like: “We are not compatible”, “I married for better not for worse”, “What is mine is mine and what is his is ours”.
Divorce is unGodly, it is not God’s will for His children. Malachi 2:16 says God hates divorce. And in Matthew 19:8-9, God told the people that divorce is never God’s plan for marriage.
Divorce seems to present marriage as a kind of contract which has condition. My question is, is marriage really a contract? This is because in every contract, there are certain conditional clauses.
A contract between two parties, whether companies or individuals, involves the responsibility of both parties to carry out their part of the bargain.
It is such that if you do this, the other person must do this, and if the other person does that, you must do that.
But in a marriage relationship, there are no conditional clauses.
Nowhere in the Word of God is it written that the husband will love the wife only if the wife loves him. There is nowhere also that a wife should be submissive to her husband only when he has fulfilled all his obligations towards her.
Marriage is for better or worse, not for better alone.
Marriage is not a contract. It is an unconditional commitment made between two people of the opposite sex and it is physically consummated. It is not to be dissolved until the death of one of the partners.
Commitment is a binding pledge or promise. It is a pledge carried out to completion.
Marriage commitment means giving up on childish and unrealistic dreams of having your partner to fulfil all your childhood disappointments. It means expecting to be disappointed by your partner.
It is learning to accept your partner’s shortcomings, and not using them, as a reason to break up the union. It is not about you getting your own way always; it is about you being able to accept the weaknesses and strengths of the other person.
And to do this, you have to ask the Lord for wisdom and gentleness and, above all, face each moment with God’s help. Trust God to work on your partner’s weaknesses.
Make sure your relationship with the Lord is right and that He is in the first place in your life and marriage.
The most important goal of a couple during crisis in marriage shouldn’t be to get a divorce, rather to learn to follow God’s design for marriage. God’s designs are true and they work.
We cannot function to our maximum as individuals if God is not a major part of our life.
Men and women are basically imperfect individuals and marriage is the blending or coming together of two imperfect people. Therefore, for a happy and successful marriage, both husband and wife should make God their anchor and commit their imperfect nature to Him.
Most husbands and wives find it difficult to pray during crisis in marriage. In fact, prayer is the last thing that comes to mind during this period.
Apply God’s principle and pray always to God for the grace to be patient with each other (1 Thessalonians 5:17).The benefits outweigh any other method you have used in the past.
It is very important that Christian couples take their marriage commitment seriously.
When you talk about commitment in marriage as a vital instrument and that it is very important to God for couples to stay together, some say they did not get married in the church, some say they only went to the marriage registry to register their marriage.
But whether a couple got married in the church or in the marriage registry, they are joined in the Spirit of God Who is the source of all authority, both religious and secular.
God expects married couple to honour their union until the death of one of the partners before dissolving the union.
Those who say they were never joined together by God because they were married before they became Christians fail to understand the true meaning of marriage.
Mathew 19:6 says, “Therefore what God has joined together let no man put asunder [separate]”. This applies to all married couples once marriage is consummated.
There will be ups and downs through the life of your marriage. There will be changes; some of which you may be able to predict but some are unpredictable.
We have to willingly accept that change exists. Your partner will want you to change and you will also want him to change.
All couples have conflict, and every marriage has to make adjustment, but if the commitment to marriage is strong, it will ease the fear of abandonment which many couples suffer in marriage.
Feeling secure in your spouse’s commitment to the marriage enables you to deal with conflicts and all the adjustments that will occur.
There will always be unasked and unanswered questions, because marriage involves two imperfect people, but love and commitment renewed and expressed reduce the need to ask.
It is not important for you to know in advance whether there will be joy or sorrow in your marriage. Just know that you will be confronted with many challenges but commitment will provide courage for going forward.
Neither separation nor divorce is the best solution to a troubled marriage.
God hates divorce and it grieves Him. As a Christian committed to God, when your commitment to each other is low, allow your commitment to God to keep you together.
God designed marriage to be sweet and fulfilling, so both the husband and wife should be excited about each other and not dwell on each other’s weaknesses.
Allow God to melt your differences and weaknesses and to blend them together to strengthen each other.
You need each other. A wife needs her husband’s strength and he needs hers. Never rely solely on your own efforts and ability to make your marriage successful.
No marriage can ever be what God intends it to be without God’s supernatural grace, and the commitment you are willing to make to your spouse will make the grace available in a measure you have never known before.
God says, “My grace is sufficient for you. For my strength is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9).
God’s grace and power will see you through every difficulty. If you feel discouraged or inadequate, trust God for an extra measure of grace and trust God to change whatever needs to change.
We must reach oneness in God believing that as we throw ourselves upon the grace and mercy of our Lord, He will enable us to become the people and partners He wants us to be.
Shalom.
