Dear Tinu,
I so admire the way you answer questions and solve people’s problems with poise. Please, I am in a quagmire and I need your help. I don’t know if I am bewitched or something. I always date ladies that end up getting married.
First, it was a Christian-Muslim problem and the lady involved warned me that her father would never give her to a Christian for marriage. I didn’t listen. I wasn’t disappointed when it happened, but I was hurt when she took my pregnancy to another man, a Christian. We ended up in the police station, almost went for deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA) test, but I was advised to let her go. Today, they are married, against her father’s blessing, with a first daughter that resembles me and a son that resembles the man.
I broke up with the second one after dating her for three years, because we both have AS genotype. She then married another man “perhaps hanging on the balance for me to slip up” four months after we broke up.
I actually did an introduction with the third lady after which I found out that she had a strange ailment, “bipolar disorder”. I never heard about it until she ended up in the hospital. I then searched it on the internet and figured out the symptoms were exactly how she acted. My niece, a medical doctor, advised me to “run” away.
I am at my wits end, as I am just taking my time. But this time, it has to be forever. I sincerely need a hook-up? I am a Christian, six feet tall, working in Lagos, in need of a serious relationship. I need a gentle lady who must be at least a graduate. Height excites me more than facial beauty.
Thank you and God bless you.
Thanks.
Frank.
Dear Frank,
It appears that these relationships you get into are DOA (dead on arrival) and you just chose to ignore the signs. If you start a relationship and there are already reasons you shouldn’t get together, then such a relationship should be ended immediately.
I advise that you do not get desperate over getting a life partner, as desperation usually causes one to take decisions quickly, and decisions taken too quickly may cause lifetime problems.
It is important that you take time to know who you are getting into a relationship with before you begin to take it seriously. You also need to listen. A lot of people hear, but very few listen. You pick up a lot of clues from listening to people.
The first lady told you from the beginning that marriage between the two of you wasn’t possible, but you failed to listen (according to you). The second one married another man four months after you broke up (you knew you were both AS and couldn’t marry). The third one has bipolar disorder! How you couldn’t have known that before the traditional introduction beats me. Bipolar disorder is a condition that would have manifested, except the person is consistent with medication. Either way, you would have noticed and asked questions.
Usually, when one is in a relationship and there are lots of excuses to take it further, such a relationship will not last, even if they eventually get married.
Marriage is not an institution to rush into. Please don’t rush. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being unmarried. A lot of those who rush into marriage either rush out or are not happy in it. So be very careful. You will need to work more on yourself to ensure that you are the man of any girl’s dreams. Ladies shouldn’t be running away from you. Most importantly, you need to be very prayerful and allow God to lead you to find the right person for you.
I wish you all the best.