By Tina Kanu
Keeping record of wrongs is the quickest way to be miserable. It is complicated living a life full of bitterness and resentment.
Unforgiveness holds on to wrongs and seeks revenge. It has a smell of decay and destitution in our homes.
But forgiveness is like a sweet smell that covers our homes with a savour of true love. Forgiveness builds homes, unforgiveness tears it down.
Since marriage is a union between two imperfect people, we must ensure forgiveness resides in our consciousness.
Martin Luther said: “A happy marriage is a union of two good forgivers.” We must create a happy home for ourselves by being willing to forgive one another.
Unforgiveness is caused by some traits in our spouse that are offensive to us. Maybe over the years these traits have made us angry, resentful. Some of them may have become monsters in our homes.
Let’s be realistic, we all get angry with our spouse; but some do it more than others. We must never allow unforgiveness to dominate our marriage, we must be ready to forgive all offences at all times.
Being unforgiving, legalistic and rigid only make us more miserable and will not change anything. We must make the decision to forgive or we will be angry most of the time.
The truth is that people are not perfect. As we deal with our spouse’s imperfections, so also is he/she dealing with ours. We are not perfect too, though we rarely see ourselves the way others see us.
When it comes to us, there is always an excuse for our wrong behaviour but when someone else is involved, there is no excuse.
Forgiveness doesn’t always come easily yet it is important we forgive one another.
Nursing and rehashing old wounds over and over again cause us to be bitter. Bitterness leads to resentment and unforgiveness.
Marriage will never be as good as it should be if couples continue to hold on to little things that hurt or offend. You cannot operate in true love in marriage if you are not willing to operate in forgiveness.
Love keeps giving the other person a second chance at all times.
The story of the unjust servant in (Mathew 18:23-35) shows that if we fail to forgive someone who wrongs us, we fail to realise the full effect of God’s forgiveness in our own lives.
Sometimes we think that to continuously forgive our spouse’s wrongs means giving him or her licence to keep hurting us. However, continuous forgiveness is a choice we make not to harbour resentment.
Unforgiveness is keeping record of wrongs, forgiveness is wiping the slate clean.
Why forgive?
Forgiveness and love are the roots of our Christian faith. The Bible says to whom much is given of him much is required.
Each of us has received so much forgiveness from our heavenly Father, so what right do we have to deny another forgiveness. The parable of the unforgiving servant speaks of our obligation to forgive others.
To forgive is our obligation. We have been forgiven, we must therefore forgive others, including our spouse.
Ephesians 4:32 advises us to be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one other just as Christ forgave us.
We also forgive because unforgiveness is an emotional destroyer. Bitterness and anger keep us in the past and also cause stagnation in the journey of life.
Forgiveness and love allow us to live in victory. Being unforgiving is very harmful to our relationship with God. It also steals our joy.
In fact, forgiveness does us more good than the other person. Forgiving someone does not make him or her right. It simplifies our life. But bitterness affects our life negatively.
There was a time in my when every offence done to me mattered so much and this made me very bitter, but not any more.
I have decided not to let people’s choices control my behaviour. The sooner we forgive hurts the easier it is for us to forgive next time.
Hebrews 12:1 says, “Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us.”
Unforgiveness is a very heavy weight that weighs us down both emotionally and physically. We must give up the baggage of bitterness that can hold us back from reaching God’s full potential for us in life.