Every marriage has its own challenges, which even men of God are not immune to. Woman Editor, TEMITOPE DAVID-ADEGBOYE, looks at possible reasons for break-up of marriages.
Chris & Anita Oyakhilome
Since the news of divorce suit filed by Rev. Anita, estranged wife of one of the most famous pastors in Nigeria, Chris Oyakhilome, broke, observers have postulated several reasons as to what might have led to the trouble in their marriage
Arguably, one of the most famous couple-pastors in Nigeria and beyond, Chris and Anita have also been explaining what is happening to their marriage of several years.
Speaking to Premium Times, an online newspaper, on Wednesday, Anita, through her lawyers, Attwaters Jameson Hill Solicitors, said the main reason the marriage broke irretrievably was due to “adultery” and “unreasonable behaviour” by her estranged husband.
The husband has also spoke through his lawyer. A statement signed by Kemi Pinheiro (SAN) reads in part: “The attention of our client, Rev. Chris Oyakhilome, and the church has been drawn to the wave of false, malicious and fabricated stories being published in the print and electronic media about his person, the church and a matrimonial cause between him and his wife.”
Observers, point out that a vital issue that may have caused a strain in the marriage of the hitherto ‘perfect couple’ is that they lived apart for too long.
Marriage counsellors always advise couples not to live apart from each other for too long, as it breeds suspicion.
While Rev. Marvellous Kalu, Minister in charge of The Presbyterian Church of Nigeria, Ikotun Parish, Lagos, agrees that necessity can cause a couple in the ministry to stay apart, he warns that this should not be for long.
For him, caution should be the watchword.
Said he: “They (husband and wife) must exercise a lot of caution, as it takes a heart that is filled with the Holy Spirit to really live apart. This is because from the beginning, God did not create marriage like that; He wanted the husband and the wife to be in a close-knit relationship.”
He further maintained that if there is any need at all for a couple to really stay apart, it must be for a short time – to avoid temptation.
While stating that marriage was initially made to be a bond between husband and wife, he agrees that there are occasions when they have to really stay apart for a while, especially if the demands of the ministry necessitate that.
“But if there is need based on economic or social factor or any other reason for it to happen, then the couple must be prayerful enough, and they must hold on to God firmly. And it must not be for a very long time. There should be constant visitation, so that the relationship does not suffer. If they stay apart for too long, the devil can take advantage of the vacuum,” Kalu said.
“A situation where a couple allows divorce to set in does not speak well of the Christian community; it doesn’t speak well of the pastoral ministry in Nigeria; and it doesn’t even speak well of the integrity for those of us involved in ministry.
“It is a big disappointment and it is a dangerous thing. We are the worst hit because the focus will now be on the pastors. It will take (the Spirit of) God to believe most pastors now, when you consider the height which Pastor Chris attained to command such followership.”
The Gospel minister added: “You know, if a vacuum is created, something must fill the vacuum. That is what happened in his case, because for him to have left the wife for a long time in London, he created a vacuum while he was living in South Africa.
“Another thing is that while pastors go about alone, the place of the wife might be taken by some of those so-called ‘daughters of the pastor’, since the wife is not there to checkmate their actions.”
But according to Pastor Nike Lamai, the devil is out to really destroy the church, hence she urged Christians to rally round their leaders always.
“It should be a wake-up call to all that the devil is out to destabilise the church, and what better way can he take except to enter through the shepherd. As servants of God and his children, we should ‘watch and pray’ and always remember 1 Corinthians 10:12 which syas ‘Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed that he does not fall’,” Lamai said.