How can we achieve a healthy and happy relationship? How can we add the x-factor to our relationship? It all boils down to taking real cognisance of the little things we normally take for granted in the relationship. Here are some helpful tips you can follow to help you accomplish a successful relationship.
1. You need to spend quality time with your spouse. Without quality time together, your relationship will not survive. Aim to devote at least half an hour a night, and at least one day a month when the two of you spend time exclusively together.
2. You need to realise that relationship is based on give-and-take. You should be ready to give, even if you don’t feel like it. Sometimes we don’t feel like saying the affectionate “I love you” to our spouse; but for the fact that you know s/he needs it at that very moment, it is advisable to put your feeling aside and release that word of affection.
3. Make yourself a place of security for your spouse; remember that you both want to feel secure within the relationship. Your partner should be free to share their innermost feelings, burdens, and fears with you without being judged.
4. Learn to love your spouse’s shortcomings and all. Often, things that first attracted you to him/her might turn very annoying to you. But when you have learned to accept your spouse the way he/she is, this won’t be a problem. Remember also that you can’t change your spouse, so don’t attempt to.
5. Research has shown money-related issues as the most divisive between couples. Therefore, for a relationship to work, you need to address your finances and maybe even work out a budget, draw out a workable plan on how both of you will handle your finances.
6. Communication is vital to all healthy relationships. Listen to your spouse and avoid blame and judgement. Don’t let your emotions dictate your behaviour. Remember, just talking things over can help you to both have a deeper understanding of each other.
7. Sort out your sex life; it may start to go downhill over the years, don’t just accept it. As soon as you notice it, address it with your spouse and work out why, and what to do to bring back the passion. You can start by experimenting new styles you have never tried before, have sex in different places apart from the normal bedroom, role play, dressing up, use natural aphrodisiac (food that boosts sexual desire, e.g. avocado, chilli pepper, banana, chocolate, watermelon, etc.). If you have issues with your spouse’s level of sexual activeness; maybe one of you prefers more sex than the other, in this kind of situation, you both need to meet at the middle. For example, if your spouse loves to have sex five times a week and you three times, take the average of five and three; which gives four. Therefore you have sex four times in a week; with this, both of you get satisfied to some extent.
8. Try to keep your dependence and independence in balance. Tell your partner how much you need them, but don’t get too dependent on them and cling to them all the time, as that can make your partner feel trapped. On the flip side of this, don’t allow your partner to think you don’t need them, by going or doing things without them. Try to keep a happy and healthy balance between the two.
9. Learn to forgive. Forgiving your spouse shows how strong you are and, most especially, that you still love him/her.
10. Visit a counsellor. This is not a terrible thing to do, and it doesn’t mean that your relationship has failed or is failing. It is just similar to visiting a doctor for a general check-up regardless of your healthy state. Counselling can turn a bad relationship around and can also turn an average relationship into an excellent one. It shows you are both prepared to try and make things better, which can’t be a bad thing at all.
The fact remains that whether you are dating or married, relationships are hard. It takes 100 per cent commitment from both of you. However, healthy and long-lasting relationships are achievable and many couples have proven just that. Not everything is always going to be perfect; but if you both choose to make it work, then it can. And remember it is the little things that you sometimes do that can go a long way to making your relationship work.