“An unfriendly person pursues selfish ends” (Proverbs 18:1a)
The online dictionary defines a friend as “a person who is attached to you by feelings of affection or personal regard, someone who gives assistance; patron and support.” This definition clearly shows that there is a great deal in having a friend; a genuine and reliable friend at that; someone you know has your best interest at heart, someone that encourages you and makes sure you succeed together – iron sharpens irons, so a friend sharpens a friend (Proverbs 27:17).
You need someone you can call on in times of adversity and be assured that your back is covered, because an unreliable friend can ruin you. It is best to have a friend that sticks closer, even than a brother; in other words, someone that’s got your back (Proverbs 18:24).
Many a time, we become too familiar with our friend(s), which is okay, because this simply shows how close we are or have become.
But the down part of this is that, familiarity with your friend(s) might lead you to ignore some things you normally do together; you start to put them below other things, feeling they would understand. You cancel your outings together, or don’t call to check on your friend(s), and the few times you actually manage to be there, you are basically not there at all.
So if you currently feel that you don’t have enough friends in your life, one reason may be that you have let yourself become too busy to make time for the relationships you already have.
Nurturing and maintaining friendships requires effort and commitment. Many of us let our lives become so busy with work and other commitments that we don’t get around to scheduling time for pleasure and renewal with the friends, relatives and acquaintances we already have. I am not saying you should see your friend(s) 24/7; that’s definitely not possible. What I mean is, make the effort to call your friend(s) more regularly, and to accept more of the invitations you receive from them. This can improve your social life. Moreover, doing life together is healthier than doing life alone. We all need a friend. Our friends also help us feel optimistic.
Researchers say that daily social support is a key factor in feeling optimistic. Optimism, in turn, increases our satisfaction with life and lowers our risk of depression. Another study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology showed that when we feel that we have social support, our visual perception of challenges actually changes: Mountains look more like molehills (Jennifer Abbasi, 2015. Happify Daily).
You need to take a self-evaluation and ask yourself. Is there someone you can call right now and be assured of a pleasant welcome? Is there someone you can count on to help you in a crisis? Can you have close talks with this person? Do you have fun when you are together? Are you happy to have this person in your life, and vice versa? If the answers to these questions are ‘no’, you need to become friendly. If the answers to the questions are ‘yes’, then that’s great.
Just make sure to check that you have not become too busy for your friend(s), and if you have; it is high time you checkmated yourself. Compare the way you spend your time with your real values and priorities in life. Is your hectic lifestyle really bringing you the quality of life that you want?
If you have become too busy for friends, why has this happened? Are you pursuing material things (especially money) in your life at the expense of relationships with other human beings? Have you allowed your time to be over-committed because you never say “no” to anyone? Do you insist on doing things yourself that could be delegated to others? If so, why? Do you believe that everything depends on you?
Examine whether the way you are currently spending your time accurately reflects your deepest values and priorities. Make sure that you schedule adequate time for the things that are truly most important to you, because at the end of the day, your money cannot really buy you happiness. It is the relationship and the quality time you spend with your friend(s) that can truly make you happy.
If you really want to keep friends in your life, make a space in your schedule and a space in your heart for them.