By Tina Kanu
Sexual problems are very common in marriage and they can destroy your marriage if not properly handled.
Married couples encounter a number of sexual problems but we will deal with the most frequent ones, such as premature ejaculation, impotence, female frigidity and cleanliness.
Premature ejaculation
This is when a man finds it difficult to control the timing of his ejaculation, where he reaches a climax immediately he lies on top his wife.
It is usually an embarrassing situation for a man. He feels very inadequate, but this can be overcome with more understanding and some patience.
One of the ways to overcome premature ejaculation is for the man to channel his thoughts and things that are not sexually related during foreplay. Though it is very difficult to control or keep arousal at pre-ejaculation level.
Sex therapists suggest through research the squeezing exercise. The man signals to his wife when he is about to have a climax and the wife squeezes the tip of his manhood with her finger and thumb.
This helps to stop ejaculation and also causes sexual tension to subside.
Impotence
This is the inability of the man to have sufficient erection needed for intercourse.
From research, it has been discovered that the major causes of impotence in men range from fatigue, depression, hostility, guilt or long years of masturbation. But it’s so common with anxiety.
To overcome this problem, couples must approach intercourse with gentleness. Don’t be under any kind of pressure to perform.
In marital sex, there is no winner and there is no loser. The wife must assure her husband of her love whether he performs well or not.
A sex therapist suggests a technique which can also help couples have a satisfying sexual life. Lie in bed naked and embrace each other. Do not to try intercourse no matter how erect the man becomes.
Try and remove pressure while expectation of erection improves.
Practise this for weeks.
When the pressure or anxiety to perform is taken away from the man, the chance of having a happy and satisfying sexual relationship with his wife is improved.
Female frigidity or lack of orgasm
There is no simple definition for female frigidity but it can be summed up as sexual paralysis in a woman.
She enjoys sex but never reaches that intense overwhelming climax or feeling of satisfaction during intercourse. Some women fake orgasm just to please their husbands.
The most common cause of female frigidity is inadequate foreplay. Sexual foreplay should last 10 to 20 minutes or more.
Another reason can be a woman’s negative image of herself. She may see herself as not worth being loved and this can affect her emotional and physical reaction.
Fear of physical or emotional injury may also be a factor. A husband’s rough and insensitive behaviour, especially during sex, can provoke feelings of fear in the wife.
A wife’s frigidity can be overcome if the husband gives care and consideration to foreplay and stops any form of sexual abuse of his wife.
Cleanliness
Men and women need to pay close attention to this particular issue. Married couples spend long hours preparing for occasions or work but hardly spend five minutes to prepare for sex.
Most men particularly don’t see it as important to freshen up before approaching their wives for sex.
A woman’s sense of smell and desire for cleanliness can smell an all-day armpit long before you make your move. Be at your best when you approach your wife for sex.
Women should also make themselves attractive for their husbands. Take your bath before going to bed. Keep your hair clean at all times and change your hairstyle as often as possible. Get some night wears for your bedroom alone.
Invest some time in your marital sex life and see how rewarding it can be for your marriage.
Bad breath
Bad breath is another major cause of sexual problem in marriage people do not take seriously at all. Bad breath can throw anyone off balance, especially during sex.
Learn to make good use of soap and toothpaste.
Brushing your teeth regularly can help tackle bad breath but if the problem is beyond brushing regularly, see a dentist for solution.
Sometimes, sexual problems come from sexual experience before marriage. You must pray to be healed of those memories.
Start with prayer
Prayer is where it starts. Don’t jeopardise what God has for your marriage by neglecting to pray for vital areas of your marriage.
Keep your sex life refreshed and surprise your spouse with a new attitude. Keep yourself healthy and attractive. Even if you don’t feel like taking care of yourself, please do it for your spouse.
Step out of the ordinary and make your marital love life extraordinary.
Shalom