Dear Agatha,
I have a very serious problem to share with you. My girlfriend of over four years got pregnant for me recently. I am really bothered about this development because I don’t have a well paid job.
Besides, I have recently found another woman whom I really love. Please advise me on what to do. Should I marry because of sentiment or because of love?
Akpan Asuquo.
Dear Akpan Asuquo,
People should marry for love, not for sentiment; but not when that supposed love is flawed with so many inconsistencies.
If you are complaining of not having enough money to care for your unborn baby and mother, where would the money come from to execute this new relationship? Even if this new lady is the one with all the money, there is no way you would not be required to spend some money at one time or another.
At what point did you discover you are not so much in love with your pregnant girlfriend? After she got pregnant and you discovered the responsibilities that come with having a baby and a woman to care for?
What happens if this new woman gets pregnant? You leave her alone to care for the baby, while you find another woman to love?
No, it isn’t fair. Nobody is saying you must marry this girl, but good sense and justice demand that you give her all your support at this critical time of her life. It is the least you can do for a woman you have slept with for four years and who is carrying the results of those pleasurable moments you both shared. She doesn’t need this treatment now, no matter what she has done wrong or whatever feelings you have for this other woman.
Don’t forget that the child she carries once out is more of yours than hers. That child, apart from being your first, would carry your name till eternity. If you start maltreating the mother from this stage on account of her being pregnant with your child, what hopes does the child have of you caring for his/her education and needs?
The ideal thing to do is to sit down with your girlfriend and discuss the way forward. If you cannot marry her, let her know; though it beats my imagination that you are only discovering you cannot marry her after she got pregnant. At least, let her know why you don’t think she is good enough for you anymore.
Also, discuss the support you would give to her after the baby comes.
The right thing, no matter what you both agree to, is to wait around her until the baby is born. If the other woman is the one you prefer at the end of the day, just make sure you are going for her because of love and not due to fear of responsibility.
A man who is afraid of responsibility lacks the moral grounds to be counted as a man when a census of men is being taken. It is not the biological features only that counts, but the fearlessness of a man to own up to his responsibilities always.
Good luck.