Dear Tinu,
I need your help quickly before I go crazy.
My wife and I have been married for three years; but if something doesn’t change soon, it will be over. My mother in-law came to stay with us shortly after we got married to “help” my wife through a very difficult pregnancy. I actually insisted that she moved in, as I couldn’t handle my wife in a pregnant state. Since then, she has refused to leave, my wife has handed everything over to her.
My mother in-law takes care of the baby, does the cooking and even tidies up our room!
Often, when I come home from work, I would meet my mother in-law in my room chatting with my wife. I feel as if I am married to my mother in-law. She even interferes when my wife and I have an argument, as my wife would have fed her with all the details.
I am now a stranger in my own home and I am not comfortable with that.
All attempts to make my wife see reason have failed, as she reminds me that her mum is a widow and she is her only child. She asks me where I want her to go.
Please help me. I’m about to lose my mind and marriage.
Mr. A.
Dear Mr. A.,
While I sympathise with you, I believe that until you take some decisions that may not please everyone, you are actually on your way to losing your marriage.
Thankfully, your situation is one that can easily be remedied.
First of all, your mother in-law has to leave, immediately! No sentiments should be involved. After all, you asked for her daughter’s hand in marriage and not hers. You invited her and she has overstayed her welcome (yes, in-laws can overstay their welcome).
I advise that the very best way to do this is to take your wife out for lunch or dinner and let her know that you have some private issues to discuss. Tell her you love her very much and by extension her family, but her mum must leave the house before you leave (that should grab her attention).
Appear to be very concerned about where your mother-in-law will be moving to, but your decision shouldn’t change, even if it seems there is nowhere to go. Worst case scenario; let her move to the village!
Let your wife know that every now and then, she may visit; but such times will be agreed on by both of you. Be firm and determined not to be moved by emotions or even tears, as there is a high possibility that such emotional blackmail tactics will be used.
Get ready to be hated for a few days or months, but it shouldn’t move you. It is your home and you must take it back. If you can afford it, rent an apartment for her very far from you.
Let your wife do the delivery of the news to her mum and arrange the moving. On no account should you get involved in exchanging words with your mother-in-law or throw her belongings out.
If your wife loves you and her mum loves her at all, they will understand eventually.
Good luck!