Dear Tinu,
I am 50 years old and a happily married man. In a bid to keep up with the latest trend and be technologically literate, I joined one of the popular social media platforms. Initially, I had difficulty being active online, but with the help of my children, I was able to post a few comments and even invite friends or accept friend requests.
It gave me joy to reconnect with a lot of old school mates and friends that I had lost contact with.
Some weeks ago, I received a friend request from an ex-girlfriend of mine. I have neither seen nor spoken with her in the past 18 years, as I have been married for about 17 years. I noticed that she was married too, as I could see that she had a new last name and kids. That gave me the confidence to accept her friend request.
The problem now is that the first message she sent to me was to tell me that she missed me and wanted to be with me. She said that she was unhappy in her marriage and remembered me for the best sex she has ever had. I have told her that I’m happily married and not interested, but she has refused to let go. She continually sends me messages and text messages (I erroneously gave her my phone number). She says she doesn’t want to ruin my marriage but just wants us to be lovers. What do you advise?
Tinu Agbabiaka
Mr. B.
Dear Mr. B,
Welcome to the world of social media! The emergence of social media platforms has brought a lot of awareness and advancement to the world, but it also has its downside.
As beautiful as roses are, there are also thorns. What being on a platform does is to open you up to the world and, yes, you will get found out or connected with old friends and relationships.
However, almost every social media platform gives the right to either accept a person as friend or take them off. While maybe you shouldn’t have accepted your ex-girlfriend’s friend request, but now that you have and you are uncomfortable with her demands and/or conversation, then you can “unfriend” her or better still block every future communication with her. Do this immediately! Yes, your ex may not set out to ruin your marriage now, but she would, once your wife discovers any of the messages. Your ex is obviously massaging your ego by saying you are the best sex partner she has ever had. Don’t fall for it! This will definitely change the dynamics of your marriage because trust and transparency will be destroyed.
If you have been faithful and good for the last 17 years, then you need to do more to strengthen that. Depending on the temperament of your wife, you may let your wife know the challenges you are going through (what this does is keep you in check) and hopefully she will handle it maturely and decently.
Your ex is not worth risking your happiness for. I wish you the best in your marriage.