There is a vast difference between a house and a home. We see beautiful houses and gardens everywhere, yet behind those front doors are problems, pressures, heartaches and tragedies in many homes. It is just back to back hell.
There are husbands and wives who may not be legally divorced, but who are psychologically divorced. Their marriages have been considered a failure and their home unhappy. Husbands threat their wives as piece of dirt. Psychologists estimate that 75 to 85 per cent of married couples live with emotional divorce.
Imagine a husband and wife that live together, go to church together, but do not pray or plan together as regards their future or that of their God-given children. Questions linger in their mind daily: why am I in this marriage?
Poor communication is one of the greatest problems facing marriages. The tragedy is that two young people became bedmates before they become soulmates. They forgot or deliberately flouted the scripture injunctions in Hebrews 13:4 that marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
To break out of this marital slavery is hard because of the following reasons:
They no longer understand their love language. They don’t communicate. They don’t really care to hear what the other partner, or child, or parent is saying.
They no longer do things together by developing common interest.
They are no longer sensitive to their partner’s needs. No encouragement of any such.
They are no longer attractive to each other, and not conversant with what is going on in each other’s life.
They no longer complement each other by telling each other how special they are through exchange of gift etc.
They no longer go out to places together; hence no communication is envisaged.
Two golden expressions meant to be used constantly disappear.
The first is “I am sorry”. Foolish and destructive pride has stopped them from apologising to each other.
The second is “I love you”. We have to be creative enough to say it a thousand different ways. We all want to hear that we are loved and appreciated. It is meant to be said often.
Our abodes need to be homes and not houses. They should be more than a field for nagging and arguing or roaring and growling.
A healthy home is a lubricant to destinies. I pray for your home today to become heaven on earth. However, when the reality of life sets in, try to separate the problem from personality and move on in the spirit of love and forgiveness. There is no marital knot (problem) that cannot be untied with patience and wisdom. Separation or divorce is not the best option, as a matter of truth.
Change the belief that you are married to the wrong person. Once you are married, cancel the intention of backing out. Stop thinking of whom you could have married instead of your spouse. Forget about how you saw who you could have married and the feelings that engulfed you. Stay in love with each other. Love is not something you fail in and out of; it is something that you work at. Love is not infatuation.
Infatuation is all about what I can get, while true love is all about what I can give.
Another vital reason for marital slavery is that most marriages are contracted based on conditional love. I love you because you are so pretty or handsome. But what happens when the beauty or handsomeness is gone? If you can buy this or that for me, I will love you. No wonder many marriages fail.
It is so sad to see a wife getting upset about her husband’s way and vice-versa. Don’t try to fix your partner, fix yourself! So many men want to make angels out of their wives without first taking the trouble of making saints out of themselves.