Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices! Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil. For the evildoers shall be cut off, but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land- Ps37:7-9
Relationship can proof difficult sometimes, one of the best ways in making it less stressful and more enjoyable is to show a little patience. A popular Yoruba proverb similar to Benjamin Franklin’s “he that can have patience can have what he will” goes thus “Oni Suru ni o jogun owun gbogbo” (whoever has patience inherits it all). Patience is defined as the level of endurance one can take before negativity such as anger, provocation, annoyance, and so on.
Good relationships don’t just happen; they take time, patience, and two people who truly want to be together. If you really value your relationship, then you will add the habit of being patient; to boost your relationship.
Our society (or science and technology) has conditioned us in such a way that our gratifications are met instantly. For example, instant coffee, microwave food, instant messages (BBM and the likes). We then tend to relate with many other things in such way; we want our partners to be in sync with us, to absolutely understand us/our situation immediately and help solve it. When such does not happen, we tend to get angry with our partner; s/he too gets angry with you in return, causing argument in the relationship. For example, if you ask your partner to urgently drive you to an occasion, while you didn’t inform him/her much earlier; eventually s/he accepts, but then you feel s/he is taking so long leaving what s/he was doing prior to your request. You then get angry and conclude that s/he doesn’t really care about you. This is very wrong, in this type of situation and many other related ones, you really need to exercise patience. If you exercise patience in this given example, s/he will actually appreciate the fact that you understand that s/he is taking out time to satisfy you, while s/he could have politely refused or given you money to get a cab.
Being patient cannot be over-emphasised, to be patience amid situations that make you angry, intolerant, provoked, you need to:
Work on your mindset – It all begins with the mind. You have concluded in your mind that people ought to do things in a certain way; so if they don’t, it affects your whole being.
Watch out for emotions you exhibit before you get impatient. Some men become impatient when they are feeling hungry and their wife is yet to finish making the food. Being conscious of such helps you challenge and unlearn your impatient actions.
Eliminate your ‘must’ and ‘should’ thoughts – If you attach ‘a must’ or ‘should’ to things you want your spouse to do, it may not get done and this may cause problem, especially women who always want their husband to follow a certain dress routine when going for an occasion. First, men do not like to be commanded, your ‘should’ and ‘must’ sounds like a command to them; so they may end up not doing what you want, thus making you impatient and angry. Better still, change your ‘should’ and ‘must’ to a polite request. For example, instead of “you know you should wear the blue native”, say “you looked better in the blue native the last time you wore it, it won’t be a bad idea wearing it again.”
Work on your ego – Note that you don’t have to be right all time nor must things go the way you want them to go. You have to take your spouse’s view into perception.
Encourage open communication – Talk to your spouse about things you are not comfortable with. Such practice will curb passive aggressive behaviours that challenge patience.
Being patience is not at all easy. When we are faced with situations that require our patience, and we are finding it difficult to be patient, it can help to think back on how hurt you felt when someone was being impatient with you. Remembering how you felt at this time can help you become more patient. You will gain the ability to be calm and resolve conflict that a loss of patience will only escalate.
Patience does take time; the quicker you realise that, the better. Have realistic expectations. If you have unrealistic expectations, then when they are not met, you become impatient.
Things actually get done when you are patient. Arnold H. Glasow said, “The key to everything is patience.” You get a chicken by hatching an egg, not by smashing it. Some things require a certain amount of time. Losing patience only hurts us and won’t speed up the process.
The lack of patience is the reason for so much unhappiness and grief in this world, when all that is required is a little time on our part. One of the simplest ways to build stronger relationships and bring more happiness into our lives is by becoming a little more patient. Showing someone patience is really giving to another that which we wish to receive, while lack of patience is nothing more than a reflection of ourselves.