Dear Tinu,
I have followed your column for the past few weeks and I must confess that your advice has been enlightening.
I am 47 years of age and married to a woman of same age. Nature has been kind to me and I do not really look my age. A lot of people mistake me for a guy in his late 30s.
My wife, on the other hand, did not receive the same blessings from nature. She looks like a woman in her late 50s. At the moment, she has put on a lot of weight and is distinctively different from the woman I fell in love with and married. All attempts to make her shed some weight have failed, as she usually begins to weep and say I do not love her anymore. She feels I should accept her the way she is.
Her younger sister has come stay with us. Believe me when I say she looks the way my wife was when I met her. Whenever I look at her, I see my wife.
Due to the nature of my wife’s job, I have had to spend a lot of time with my sister-in-law, as she is the one who takes care of the children, prepares and serves my food.
I am beginning to feel a strong attraction towards her. What should I do? Please help.
Mr. Essien
Dear Mr. Essien,
Thank you for being a follower of this column. Let me start by letting you know that doing anything with your sister-in-law is a recipe for disaster. You need to take your eyes off her and send her away.
I would have advised that you let your wife know what you are struggling with, but it seems she is a bit emotionally immature (you mentioned that she weeps whenever she’s asked to do something about her weight).
Another angle you may look at is the way you tell her or speak to her. If you speak to her in a derogatory manner, she will not agree with you. It is important that you speak gently and at appropriate times.
A good way will be to let her know first that you love her and don’t want to lose her. Tell her that her excessive weight will bring health issues. However, tell her that you will support her through the process of trying to lose weight. If there is anything, in particular, you want her to wear, buy it for her!
You have to remember that part of the reason you feel nature has been kind to you is that you did not carry any babies in your womb! You were just impregnating her. It is not easy for a woman to shed all the pre/post-pregnancy weight. I am pretty sure that if you speak all of the above nicely, she will listen to you.
Your sister-in-law needs to leave your house because since you have started channelling your thought towards her in a romantic regard, she will always be temptation before you. Who knows when you will succumb?
I wish you all the best.