He wants to have ‘a taste’ of me

Dear Tinu,

Thank you for being a blessing to lives, especially with the answers you give to the issues asked.

I need your help, please. I want to get married to the right man, like you did. Presently, there are two men asking for my hand in marriage and I am confused because I do not want to make a mistake. Emmanuel and Anthony are their names and they are both Christians from Oyo and Delta states.

Emmanuel lives close to me and we often go to church together. He seems very interested in my welfare and encourages me to improve myself by sometimes giving me books to read. But he always disturbs me for sex, and I have told him of my resolve to wait till my wedding night. He says he wants to have a “taste of me” just once and he will never ask again. He even boasts that I will not sleep at all on our wedding night. In addition to this, he never has any money to give me whenever I ask him.

Anthony, on the other hand, already has a child with a woman he calls a prostitute. He says she is trying to come back to him, but he doesn’t want her. He says he prefers me. He too doesn’t give me money whenever I ask him, and sometimes goes off for a long time without calling me. Although he only stopped at secondary school level, he also encourages me to improve myself.

Please help me to take the right decision.

Janet.

Dear Janet,

Let me first commend you for choosing to keep yourself by abstaining from sexual relations until marriage. In today’s permissive society, that is commendable.

In describing the two people interested in marrying you, you have also mentioned their tribes.

Please note that where a person comes from does not determine the type of spouse he or she would be; a determinant will be the type of home a person is from.

Emmanuel appears to be the better of the two. However, his incessant demand of a “taste of you” is worrisome. Please do not allow him to “taste you”. If he loves you, he should be willing to wait until your wedding night. Then he can make good his threat by not allowing you to sleep.

Also, refrain from asking him or any man for money. It actually diminishes your worth, as you appear cheap. It is a different situation if you are given money or gifts, but asking does not speak well of you as a lady.

Anthony, on the other hand, I suggest, you should stay away from. He seems to have a lot of baggage, which you really don’t need.

Above all, please note that your options are not limited to only these two people. There are lots of good men out there.

It is also very important that you draw up a list of your requirements in a life partner and use that as a yardstick towards whoever you choose.

I wish you all the best in your choice.