By Tina Kanu
A good marriage is not just a union between a man and a woman but a sacred covenant between three.
Making God a vital part of our marriage adds a powerful dimension to its foundation. When God is involved it turns marriage into a cord of three strands not easily broken.
God is the only One who has the key to a successful marriage.
In the book of Deuteronomy, God gave certain conditions to the children of Israel when they were to enter the Land of Promise. He made known to them a kind of life He planned for them through Moses His servant.
Moses told them that if they would keep to God’s conditions, they would be greatly blessed. In every area, he painted a very good picture of great harmony and satisfaction as the life God planned for them as His people.
But Israel failed to meet God’s conditions and did not enjoy the life God planned for them.
Israel did not fail because they were not religious or not going to church. They were very religious because the Bible records that they covered God’s altar with tears (Malachi 2:13-14) yet failed God.
This is the same thing we are confronted with today in marriage.
God Who instituted marriage made available all that will help us enjoy it to the fullest. So many couples are busy with religious activities yet fail to build their marriage on God’s principles.
Israel started seeing marriage as a relationship for which they could set their own standard. Marriage became something they could initiate or terminate whenever it pleased them.
In the account of creation in Genesis chapters 1 and 2, God Himself was directly involved in marriage. It was solely His decision that man should not be alone. It was God that made a woman a suitable mate for man and not man’s decision.
God Himself established the terms of the relationship. So marriage relationship involves three – God the Initiator, the man and his wife. This is why we say marriage is a cord of three strands.
“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.
“Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastics 4:9-12).
This means that the strength needed to succeed in marriage is supplied by God, the third Person in the marriage. This illustration shows how marriage is patterned from creation, a binding together of three persons: God, man and the woman.
When marriage is between man and woman alone, it is only on human plans but when God is a part of it, He adds value to the marriage. God is an integral part of marriage. We must look up to God for strength needed in marital relationship.
It is one thing to talk about God’s power at work in our lives, it is another to apply that power in our marriage. There is no better person to look up to in marriage than Jesus Christ.
He says, “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing” (John 15:5).
This is a clear message. If we try to keep God out of our marriage, we will become total failures in it but if we remain in Him, and He in us, we will be very effective and successful.
Paul talks about the power of living in God’s Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23. His Spirit in us produces the fruit of the Spirit which is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
If all couples manifest this fruit of the Holy Spirit in our homes and marriages, it will make our lives lovelier than we can imagine.
When God is in our marriage, He teaches us how to respond to difficult situations with patience and self-control.
He imparts in us His kind and gentle nature. He also helps us to naturally change our personality to that of love and faithfulness.
Most times we struggle to produce this fruit on our own strength but to bear good fruit is God’s thing and not man’s. We must allow God dwell in us.
Jesus Christ Himself says we cannot bear fruit except we remain in Him.
When we talk about remaining in God, we are not talking about casual visits with Him now and then, going to church on Sunday morning, and attending weekly activities; but a deep closeness to Him.
We develop a deep closeness with God by abiding in Him moment by moment each day, then we will experience a life-giving relationship with Him.
We must present ourselves before God daily and ask Him to form His perfect image in us. We must always turn our hearts and minds towards God and His Word for us to function well in our marriage.
When we set our minds on God’s Word, marital challenges become stepping stones to a blissful relationship with our spouse. Feelings of frustration become an opportunity to pray for each other and ask God to work in our lives.
We must as couples cleave to each other in the full sense of God’s Word.
Spiritual bonding or intimacy is very vital in every marriage. The most important task for couples in every Christian marriage is to develop a spiritual intimacy or closeness which can bring a greater depth to the other areas of intimacy.
Many people have developed a very strong individual/personal relationship with the Lord but never deem it fit to invite their spouse to experience the spiritual journey together with them.
When one partner is close to God and the other is not, it can have a damaging effect on the relationship.
Most married couples are close in other areas except spiritually.
Some feel isolated in this area, and sometimes the isolation is not kept in check so it creeps into other areas of marriage.
Before we explain spiritual intimacy, let’s look at the definitions of intimacy.
A marriage counsellor said the word intimacy came from a Latin word. Intimacy suggests a very strong relationship, a special emotional closeness that includes understanding and being understood by someone very special.
Intimacy is also a state of having a close personal relationship with somebody.
It has also an affectionate bond, the strands of which are composed of mutual caring, responsibility, trust, open communication of feelings and allowing that person to step inside your personal boundaries.
Intimacy is not only in marriage commitment, it can also occur outside of marriage. Intimacy can exist without marriage but it is impossible for marriage to be meaningful without intimacy.
When we talk about intimacy the first thing that comes to mind is marriage.
I have seen many husbands and wives who share the same house, same bed, same dining table yet are strangers to each other. Some have lived together for many years yet do not know their partners any better than when they first married.
The most pathetic part is that some couples spend time together and still feel lonely. Some think intimacy is all about sex but it goes far beyond sex.
We have different kinds of intimacy, namely: emotional intimacy, social intimacy and recreational intimacy.
All these other areas of intimacy relate to spiritual intimacy, which means being able to share your spiritual self, have it reciprocated, and develop a union with your spouse.
It is something that we can feel and something interactional.
Being religious and being spiritually intimate are two different things. Couples can worship together, study the Bible together regularly, pray together and still lack spiritual intimacy.
You can also see couples who don’t pray together nor share together yet have spiritual intimacy.
The difference is that spiritual intimacy is a heart’s desire to be close to God and be willing to submit to His directions for your lives. It means willingness to seek His guidance together as a couple and allow His principles to guide your everyday life.
It is also allowing God’s help over your weaknesses and challenges by both of you learning to see your marriage as a spiritual adventure.
It is willingness to make Jesus Christ the Lord of your lives and allowing Him direct your decision and change your hearts to be in agreement with His Word.
Spiritual intimacy requires both husband and wife to submit to the leadership and Lordship of Christ Jesus and not compete for control. We must recognise the place of God in our lives and marriages.
We must know that until we turn to the Lord Jesus Christ, and open our hearts to His Spirit leading, we will not be able to make right decisions since we know not all things.
If one person makes spiritual decisions in marriage, such as which church to attend, which Bible version is acceptable, et cetera, it may be difficult to experience peace and oneness.
We may experience differences in the measure of faith, it is normal; but with God’s grace we will scale through.
Praying together helps eliminate conflict and insecurity. Prayer ushers in God’s Presence into our lives.
And in God’s Presence couples who pray together find relief or solution to issues troubling their marriage by humbling themselves before God and before each other.
When couples pray together before God they find the secret of true harmony. When the line of communication is first opened to God, He fulfils His plans for our marriage.
A good marriage is a covenant between three. A marriage flourishes where the husband and wife rely on God’s strength for success.
As we dwell in God’s Presence daily, He will strengthen us with peace, joy, and hope that come only from abiding in Him alone.
Shalom.