Therefore what God has joined together, let nothing put asunder” (Mark 10:9).
When you feel your marriage is in crisis, emergency tactics are needed to save it, just the same way a hospital emergency is used in severe health related situations.
It is not a time to look the other way and think things will get better miraculously, while folding your arms.
In an article by Mitch Temple, he said marriage crisis “typically occurs when an unusual amount of stress or unresolved conflict causes the level of anxiety to become too intense for the couple to manage.
“As a result, anger, resentment, dissatisfaction, frustration, and hopelessness take control of the relationship. The couple typically continues the negative interactions – or disengages completely from [each] other, and the relationship shuts down.”
When a couple realises that problem is starting to overshadow the good in the relationship, it is necessary to look for ways to sort out this problem as fast as possible. The more time you leave marital problems to linger, the greater the damage.
In resolving a marriage crisis, the first thing to do is remove the thought of “divorce” from your mind. The old military expression says, “surrender is not an option.”
The thought of divorce alone drains the energy needed to resolve the problems you are facing.
The only option guaranteed in marriage when faced with crisis is to stand your ground, fight off the things that would separate you and your spouse, and find ways to make things work.
The next resort is to the best emergency room. This could be visiting a marriage counsellor or a professional in marriage matters, not just anyone outside the marriage who will only complicate matters.
Be careful when and where you table your relationship matters. Don’t feel because you are at a family gathering you should to let aunty Abigail in on what you and your spouse are quarrelling about.
This method will only make things worse. You may upset your spouse the more if you take this route, or the third party may give the wrong advice.
During your marital crisis and in the process of resolving it, do not involve your children.
Involving children can cause damage to them; you may feel you want to gain their approval or backing, but in doing so you cause them emotional stress.
Don’t stop showing love. Continue to treat your spouse with respect in words and in deeds. You can start afresh; date your spouse all over again, infuse humour and laughter. This will bring back the loving memory that attracted you to each other.
Stop repressing the positive feelings you have about your marriage, though it is natural for us to distance ourselves from the positive feelings in order to survive the hurt and hurdles of marital crisis.
We must find a way to re-attach ourselves to those positive, wonderful qualities that our marriage revolves around.
Stop the communication game-playing; in which one partner tries to win an argument by using unfair tactics on the other.
For example, a spouse is trying to prove a point that the partner does not know how to spend money well. He or she then backs up the point, saying, “it is because she (he) comes from a poor background.”
Another scenario of communication game-playing is when you are among friends, and there is an argument on fashion sense. While trying to get your point across, you use your spouse as an example, saying, “she just doesn’t know how to combine the colours most of the time.”
Though you got your point across and won the argument, your spouse feels humiliated.
It is foolish to think you are a winner at the expense of making your spouse feel defeated.