Dear Tinu,
I am 40 years old and a Christian. My worry is that I am still single. In truth, as an introvert, my speaking ability is low. However, I desire a tolerant, funny, godly, simple and smart lady as a life partner.
I am the eldest of my siblings, some of who are married, giving grandchildren to my parents. What is wrong with me?
Recently, I met a woman, a fruitier, at a place I visit to see my friends. I have received gifts (fruits) from her. Sometimes, she sells to me. This happens from time to time. We are from the same town, but she’s married in a different state. One day, she accosted me, expressing her love for me. She said she loves my quietness. In fact, she wanted to befriend me, but her daughter had professed her love for me, asking me to marry her.
Both mother and daughter always demand money from me for things like toiletries and so on. The daughter asked me to pay her rent at her school, complaining about her dad’s financial difficulties. She goes for expensive products.
She has been pestering me to take her to my parents and siblings and visit her village as well. She wants us to cement our relationship. I have been shillyshallying.
In fact, I’ve been doling out money to assist the woman, even at my own detriment. I gathered that she is a second wife – I don’t like the antics of second wives.
I am attracted to the daughter because we are of the same complexion – light skin. I want to marry a woman of the same complexion, but dark-skinned women always come to me. I know little about her character. I don’t know if we are compatible. Their constant demand for money puts me off.
A counsellor has advised me to keep clear of them. This counsellor believes they are using me to satisfy their financial need. According to her, a wife is a help-meet.
But another counsellor thinks otherwise. She believes she is serious and, in fact, encourages me to give her money if that will make her happy. I’m confused and I’m at sixes and sevens.
Coincidentally, one of my younger brothers is married to a relation of hers. My brother’s wife isn’t in good terms with my siblings and mother. She allegedly bewitched my brother, causing him mentally illness. My parents are estranged. I don’t want such experience.
Again, how do I know a woman fore-ordained for me?
If you don’t mind, respond. Thank you for your time and God bless you.
Bernete
Dear Bernete,
I apologise for not responding to your mail on time. However, I must admit that I am still as confused as I was when I first read it.
I hope I have summarised it correctly, if what you have written is that two women (mother and daughter) are interested in you.
My first response is to ask you to stay clear of married women. It doesn’t matter if they are the first, second, fourth, fifth wife and are unhappy. You have no business being with a married woman or entertaining her. You mentioned that she had given you gifts in the past. You shouldn’t accept gifts from a woman that you know is romantically interested in you, if you are not ready to be in a relationship with her.
I agree with the first counsellor you said advised you to stay clear of both mother and daughter. I advise you to run, run and run as much as you can.
You don’t want to get involved in a messy situation like this. Do not allow yourself to be pressured or pestered into paying anyone’s bride price.
You mentioned that you are attracted to the woman because of her complexion. Please note that complexion does not determine in anyway what a good wife or husband material will be, and you need to take a good look at the values you have and expect from someone you wish to spend the rest of your life with. It is important that you know that eternal values are better than appearances which may/can change or be altered.
Marriage is a life-long commitment, and if you get it wrong, it becomes a life-time of misery. If you indeed want to know who the flesh of your flesh is, then you need to move closer to God, as He will be in the position to reveal that to you.
Meanwhile, stop buying fruits from this woman and her daughter. Surely, they can’t be the only fruit-sellers around your vicinity.
Good luck in your search.