Dear Tinu,
I am a 27-year-old lady currently in a relationship with a 42-year-old man. We have both never been married and have been together for three years.
In the beginning, I feel the relationship was going on well – I have always been attracted to older guys. The 15 years age difference didn’t bother me, though my parents are very concerned about it. He used to treat me so nicely in the beginning of our relationship. However, we fight a lot these days. He seems to be very irritable and would get angry at the slightest thing.
I am concerned that this relationship doesn’t seem to be growing at all. It’s like we are drifting apart and I will very much like to settle down now. A lot of my friends are already married now and I am looking forward to settling down too, but it doesn’t look like my guy is ready.
Whenever I steer our conversation into our future, he either gets angry or pretends to be very tired and not in the right frame of mind to talk. I am really confused right now and need your advice urgently.
Miss T.
Dear Miss T,
There is no need to be confused. The important thing is to address your issues one after another. Firstly, let’s look at the fact that you are in a relationship with a guy 15 years older than you are. There is absolutely nothing wrong with dating an older guy. However, the question is, where do you draw the line? With 15 years difference, you are obviously from two different generations. Are you willing to step into his? Or is he willing to step into yours? Besides, it is evident that a man of 42 who is not married, and not willing to, most likely has commitment issues.
You are young, and at your age shouldn’t be begging any guy to commit to you. You have been with this guy for three years and he still refuses to discuss a future with you. Maybe it’s time to cut your losses and move on. That’s a decision you have to prayerfully take.
Please do not, under any circumstance, beg your guy to commit to you. You must accord yourself a lot of self-respect and dignity at this time.
I advise that you ask him for a time that is convenient for him to talk. Sit him down and have a heart-to-heart talk. You must be ready with your decision. A man needs to want you. I suspect that he starts a fight when you try to talk to him mainly because he is afraid of commitment.
Your boyfriend’s reluctance to commit does not mean he doesn’t love you. He may just have issues that he needs to sort out with proper counselling if he is willing to get help.
Make your own decisions quick and determine if you will stay with him and hope he pops the question someday or you will move on with your life.
Take care of yourself.