By Tina Kanu
In today’s culture, if you ask any woman what a husband’s greatest desire is from his wife, the majority of us will say sex. I also thought so.
But when I asked men, they said what they want most is RESPECT. I was so surprised. Then I remembered what God through Paul instructed married couples to do for each other.
Ephesians 5:33 says, “Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself, and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”
God who made all things is a God of order and He knows what a man and woman desire. The husband is to love his wife as Jesus Christ loves the church and the wife is to respect and honour her husband.
Some of us grew up in an environment where respect was not taught, and some also were not taught to respect people in our families.
So many women easily lose respect for their husband because they choose to dwell more on their husband’s weaknesses.
The main need of a man in marriage is not sex as speculated by many women but respect and significance.
Every man wants to feel important in his home, especially to his wife, and a wife that shows respect to her husband boosts her marriage to run smoothly and also helps her husband become all that he ought to be.
Respect may not always come easily, but it is very essential in building a positive and meaningful marriage.
When I talk of respect for a husband, I don’t mean you worship him as God. You must learn to give God the honour and respect due for His Name and give your husband respect out of obedience to God.
Women often want to be the queens in their homes without realising that there is no queen without a king. So, if you want to be the queen of your husband’s heart, make him the king of your own heart.
Most women do not pay close attention to God’s instruction for them as wives. Some have never read what The Bible says about Godly marriage.
Many have also left their desire for joyful marriage for physical and emotional attraction, and have allowed satan to work against them through their ignorance of God’s intention and principles.
Some are also using other people’s examples as basis for success in their own marriage.
As Godly wives, we must understand that respect is a very strong ingredient in marriage. When a wife respects her husband, it reassures him that the closest person to him in the whole world sees his potentials and is solidly behind him.
You must not see respect as give and take.
Concern yourself with fulfilling your God-given obligations and responsibilities in marriage by being eager to give. Look to God to fulfil your desire and you will get whatever you want in return, even more.
Honour and respect are missing in marriage in today’s society. Sometimes I wonder what really is going on that even Christians are involved in this marital problem.
In the past, men placed a lot of value on honour such that if something was not honorable enough, nobody wanted anything to do with it. These days, hardly do people pay attention to Godly principles about marriage.
However, those of us who have a relationship with Christ Jesus and have understanding of His Word should strive to build a strong and powerful marriage with The Bible.
As a Godly woman, do not try to gain your husband’s affection only by physical beauty. Learn to display gentleness which can build your marriage better than anything else. Gentleness is of greater value than jewels.
Looking good outwardly for our husband is not a bad thing. But this should not be at the expense of Godly behaviour.
Making ourselves beautiful outwardly and living the inside messy is not good. God is more concerned about our inner person than the outward because the inner beauty of a woman reflects the glory of her husband.
Peter 3:1-6 emphasise that words and attractive looks alone cannot fulfil our husband’s joy, but with Godly behaviour and fear, we can achieve God’s purpose in marriage.
A Christian woman who has a charming and respectful approach to marital issues makes her husband feel proud of himself.
We must see our husbands as wonderful creations of God and look at them with respect. Let’s learn to honour, praise, esteem, regard and love our husbands.
We can only achieve this by developing a positive attitude. A positive attitude has a very powerful effect on those around us. It is not a feeling but the underlying outlook we have towards people and towards life, according to Carol Ladd.
A positive attitude represents hope and faith rooted in our hearts.
You don’t have to feel positive to act positive, especially in marriage. God has placed joy and hope in our hearts and we must show it, no matter what.
You may wonder what on earth connects respect with positive attitude.
Respect involves positive attitude. We must choose to be positive if we must succeed in marriage. Proverb 14:1 says, “Every wise woman buildeth her home, but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.”
For me, every Godly wife builds her home and marriage with respect and it stands the test of time. Attitude plays a major part in activating this.
What you focus your mind on controls your behaviour, somehow. Positive attitude is a choice we must endeavour to make each day. We must learn to trust God for strength to do all we must do each day.
A Christian woman’s positive attitude comes from a sure faith in God’s love.
Respect comes out more easily when we feel the person deserves it, but as Godly wives, we must find ways to respect our husbands even when it appears they don’t deserve it.
No one is without fault in life, we all struggle in one area or another; and we all have qualities that can attract respect as well.
Some weaknesses are more obvious than others. We all have them. But this is where Grace steps in. God’s grace looks beyond our weaknesses.
Your husband may not deserve respect, and your home situation may be bad, but respect is not something you give because it is deserved. You don’t also do it as an act of obedience to your husband but to God.
That people can earn our respect by approval and by their praise-worthy behaviour does not mean that we should disobey God by denying those we feel do not deserve respect.
I discussed this topic with a friend and the first thing she asked me was if being respectful to our husbands means approving of all they do, including wrong decisions and choices that affect the marriage and the family as a whole.
I recalled one time in my marriage when I had issues with the choices and decisions my husband was making, most of which were hurtful to me. I struggled with confronting him by showing disrespectful attitude.
It was very difficult but I prayed for wisdom and God’s unfailing grace to be able to show my disagreement over those choices and not allow them to affect my respect and love for him.
With God’s help, I was able to make him understand that I did not endorse his actions. I also encouraged him to include me in his plans so we can both work together, on the same page, in finding better ways to handle issues like those we had.
As his team mate, my aim was to help him overcome some weaknesses in some areas and move forward. But I asked God to help me overcome the temptation of wanting to be in control.
Sometimes, as wives, we find ourselves trying to change our husbands’ misguided ways. Please, we must do this by relying on God’s will and His Word.
Sometimes also we feel doomed and stuck in a marriage with a man with awful behaviour.
Whenever the fearful and fretful thought overtake us, we should remember that we have an assurance of God being our hope. God is able to change a man and turn him from the path of destruction to the path of light and life in God.
Have you considered that God may be using your husband’s weaknesses and imperfections to teach you great lessons on how to have self-control and how to love unlovable people?
Allow God’s loving arms to give you comfort and rest. Allow His loving arms to hold you up when all seems lost.
Shalom.